Read Between the Lies
by ukexchan
Summary: Iruka has known Kakashi for a long time. They start to become friends. Iruka wants more, but he's not sure Kakashi feels the same way.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Don't own.

Warnings: Yaoi. KakaIru. Don't like, don't read. Simple. Probably a little AU.

A/N: Okay, so I needed a break from all the stuff I've been doing lately, so I'm starting something new…ish. It's an idea I've been turning over in my head for awhile just because nobody (that I've seen) has ever done it, and it seems like such an obvious link between these two. Wow… was that vague enough for you? Okay, on with the story, and the clarification!

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Iruka sat at his desk rubbing his temples in annoyance, and trying to maintain the delicate balance. Konohamaru was at it again, giving Iruka the subtle warning sign that he was about to do something stupid. It was their unspoken agreement. Naruto was gone with Jiraiya, off to train, and Iruka was left to handle the little beast and his band of misfits himself. When the blonde had left the silent pact was instated. Because the kyuubi container had been so close to the academy teacher, Konohamaru took it easy on the chuunin, a show of loyalty to The Boss. It served as a peace offering. They both missed the blonde terribly, and with that shared link the balance was created. Konohamaru gave subtle warnings to Iruka when he was about to pull something, allowing the chuunin ample to prepare, and on occasion prevent the acts all together. Iruka gave a grand performance of anger and annoyance, but the punishments were always mild. There was an understanding that Konohamaru had an image to uphold, as did Iruka so Konohamaru always acted as though whatever punishment was placed upon him was something too horrid to talk about.

Today was not a good day however, Iruka was in a particularly foul mood, and refused to deal with whatever mess Konohamaru was going to create. He glared at the boy so intensely that Konohamaru actually hesitated. That was all the break Iruka needed. While the boy was trying to collect himself, the chuunin threw several well aimed kunai at the boy, successfully pinning him to his desk. All the students whipped their heads around to stare at what had angered their teacher so thoroughly. None were surprised to see Konohamaru being the culprit.

"Not today, Konohamaru-kun." Iruka said in a frightfully calm voice. All the children tensed. Iruka sighed deeply, and addressed the whole room. "Finish your work, and class is dismissed." Small faces turned to look at the clock noting that if they finished quickly enough they would be out of class a whole half an hour early. They all went to work diligently trying to finish their work, and Iruka was glad for the relief. He had to work the missions room today, and that was sure to be a disaster, though yelling at a few jounins might actually improve his mood. He sighed and began packing up, hoping the kids would finish in a timely fashion. Stress relief via a temper tantrum thrown on some random jounin was starting to sound quite appealing.

His last student left the room about fifteen minutes before classes actually ended. With a sigh, Iruka locked his classroom door, and made his way to the missions room. There was no reason he couldn't be early for work. It only showed that he was truly dedicated. He grinned to himself, glad that he would finally find a target for the anger that had built up in him over the course of the last few days. He wasn't exactly sure why, but he was feeling frustrated, and he was desperate for some kind of release.

When he arrived at the missions room, the place was in utter chaos, and he couldn't help but smile in glee. A reason to completely lose his temper! He nearly giggled in glee. Calmly he went and sat at his desk and looked around the room. Kurenai was blushing in the corner, and Asuma was looking strangely pleased with himself. Iruka decided he didn't even want to know why. Gai was crying Manly Tears, and spewing some dreadful story about his past mission, Iruka would probably have to read the report, and he didn't need to see the live reenactment. The brightly colored pages, large words, and lengthy descriptions (complete with pictures where Gai had evidently decided words were inadequate) were enough for the chuunin; he decided not to get involved in that either. Several jounin were about the room rewriting reports, grumbling, and throwing angry glares at whoever it was that had ordered them to do their work over.

The missions room looked a mess when he had first walked in, but in reality, someone had just condemned anyone who wrote a bad report to redo it, and people were all about the room, creating the illusion of chaos, when in fact, everything seemed to be in order. He groaned in frustration. There had to be _someone _he could yell at.

As if answering his very prayers someone appeared in front of his desk holding out a decrepit report as though Iruka was actually expected to read it. Without even bothering to look up at who it was that was handing him the report, he grinned. _Finally!_

"What the hell is that?" Iruka asked in a low snarl. "I am not here to translate scribbles, rips, and dirt into language. Get that away from me, and come back when you have a real report." His voice took on a frightening edge that promised a world of pain if his words were not obeyed… and promptly. There was no reaction. The report remained in front of him, and no words were spoken. Iruka let out a groan that sounded more like a growl. The chuunin finally looked up at his victim, his mind already plotting all of the evil things he would do, but as soon as he saw who was standing in front of him, all of the previous anger left him. He sat blushing and feeling sheepish at his rude behavior.

"Maa, Iruka-sensei, did you just growl at me?"

Iruka let out a little squeak, and blushed a shade deeper. "I… er… uh… well… um… could you please do this over?" Iruka stuttered. "I can't really accept this…" He bit his lip feeling foolish, and gave the silver haired man before him a pleading look.

Kakashi simply chuckled. "Having a bad day, sensei?" His voice was full of good humor, which calmed Iruka slightly.

"Yeah… long…" He looked away still feeling rather embarrassed. He didn't really know how to explain the stress involved in maintaining the delicate balance of power in his classroom, so he didn't even bother. Besides, compared to the stress Kakashi was faced with on his missions, it seemed trivial.

Kakashi nodded. "You wanna go grab something to eat later then?"

Iruka shrugged. "I'll be here for awhile, there's no need for you to wait."

The jounin's eye curved up happily. "There's no reason I can't wait."

Iruka simply nodded in agreement, and scratched at the scar on his nose. Kakashi always made things complicated, ever since he was just a kid. They had only been a year apart, and had actually been at the academy together for a short period of time, but that was a long time ago, back when his parents were still alive. He wasn't sure he would have called him and Kakashi friends, but they were most certain friend_ly_. Mostly Kakashi just talked to him, which was something. Iruka had even hoped that they'd become closer, but the Hatake was on a completely different level. Kakashi graduated before Iruka even got a chance to seriously consider the prospect of their being friends. About five years later, they met again, after Iruka's parents had died. Right after in fact, and Kakashi had been extremely supportive. Iruka knew that it was probably nothing, the same kind of thing the boy would have done for anyone in his position, but he never forgot it. He had even had a bit of a crush on Kakashi during that period of time, and that brought on a whole huge string of confusion. Iruka had learned to accept his sexuality though, moved on.

Kakashi didn't seem to just disappear after that though. There was a long period of time, when they hardly ever saw each other, but then Iruka took up working in the missions room, and they became reacquainted. Still, Iruka wouldn't have called them friends. They were comrads, and the chuunin was sure that the Copy-Nin didn't even remember the vague friendship they had shared years prior. And the Kakashi took a genin team, none other than Naruto's genin team. It was like the universe was pushing the two senseis together. Iruka wasn't complaining. His small crush from all those years ago had come back with full force, and he wasn't going to reject the idea of spending time with the jounin. But then Sasuke left… and then Naruto left, and there seemed to be no reason for them to continue their tentative friendship, but for some reason they had. They had even become closer than before, and things were started to become even more confusing than before. Another delicate balancing act, becoming as close to Kakashi as possible without crossing a line. It was becoming increasingly difficult.

Since Naruto had left they had been spending massive amounts of time together. It had progressed from the occasional bowl of ramen, to the occasional night out, to the occasional training session followed by dinner, and now there was just them. Whatever it was they were. Friends? Iruka thought so, but it was hard to be sure.

"I'll come by your place when I get done here then." Iruka finally vocalized his acceptance of Kakashi's invitation.

"I'll be waiting." Kakashi said simply, turning around a leaving Iruka with his shabby missions report. Iruka simply sighed and began the process of deciphering it.

After work, Iruka stopped by his apartment to drop off all of his bags. He had papers to grade, and reports to read, but he set them aside with a sigh. He considered changing into something more comfortable, but there was no point. He looked around for a moment, checking to make sure everything was in place, an old habit that he couldn't seem to shake, and then he was off to meet Kakashi at his apartment.

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Kakashi stood in his kitchen watching as the food cooked, stirring and mixing when it was appropriate. He looked at the clock with a sigh. Iruka really did work too hard and he was glad he could provide a break for the younger man. Today was Friday too, perhaps if he was cunning enough, he'd be able to convince the chuunin to go out and drink with him. Kakashi wasn't much of a drinker himself, but the dolphin needed to loosen up a bit. Just thinking about the other man made Kakashi a bit tense. He shrugged it off, and continued his cooking; it was nearing the end of the day, and Iruka would be there soon, he had to make sure everything was ready.

He went to work setting the table, and before there was even a knock at his door, everything was laid out on his kitchen table. Satisfied, Kakashi went to sit in his front room, and wait for his guest to arrive. Typically they went out to eat, but Iruka had cooked for him last time, and it was his turn to repay the favor. He was sure his cooking was severely below par, especially compared to Iruka's, the man had a talent, but it was the thought. At least Kakashi hoped so. He leaned back again the couch, staring up at the ceiling, thinking about nothing in particular. Thinking tended to get him in trouble, especially where Iruka was concerned, so he avoided it, instead picking out shapes in the shadows that danced across his ceiling, cast by the trees just outside his window. Yes, definitely better than thinking…

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A/N: Okay, so that wasn't the best thing I've ever written, but this fic has a lot of explaining to do, and I'm trying to get it done in the least boring way possible. I'll elaborate on their past together more in later chapters. This was just an opening to see if you guys like the idea behind it, so let me know what you think, ne? Thanks for reading.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Don't own.

Warnings: Yaoi. KakaIru. Don't like, don't read. Simple. Probably a little AU.

A/N: Hopefully this chapter is a bit more captivating than the first. I'm really sorry about that, it was garbage, and I know it. And holy crap is this LATE! I'm so sorry! My life sucked for awhile there, and my deepest apologies! I didn't mean to make you guys wait! I'm so sorry!

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Thinking tended to get him in trouble, especially where Iruka was concerned, so he avoided it, instead picking out shapes in the shadows that danced across his ceiling, cast by the trees just outside his window. Yes, definitely better than thinking…

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Iruka approached Kakashi's apartment at a slow pace, noting that the sun had almost set. They day was ending more quickly than he had realized. It was a good thing he had all weekend to get his work done, he'd need it. He thought back to the bags of work he had dumped back at his apartment and cringed. With a sigh, he knocked on the door in front of him, and waited for an answer.

He heard Kakashi move, but the man didn't come to the door, he'd simply moved. Iruka gave the door a confused look and raised his hand to knock again, but before he had the chance, it was opened and Kakashi was standing in the doorway looking confused and embarrassed. Iruka honestly had no idea what to think of the situation at all, so he simply stood quietly and waited for Kakashi to say something.

"Uh… Hey, Iruka-sensei. Um, sorry about that, I kinda fell asleep." The older man said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head and smiling. How long had he been waiting anyway? As a second thought, he stepped aside and invited the chuunin inside. Iruka stepped in, and toed off his sandals.

"Um, is there any place special you wanted to eat?" Iruka asked, not bothering to comment on the fact that places were going to start closing rather rapidly, and unless Kakashi intended to eat at a bar, they had better pick a place quickly.

"Oh, I already made dinner…" Kakashi smiled sheepishly once again. "But I was wondering if you'd go out for a drink with me after dinner. Genma and Raidou invited me out, and you really could use a break."

Iruka shrugged noncommittally, and changed the subject. "What'd you make for dinner?" There was a genuine eagerness in his voice.

"Domburi." Kakashi answered simply, leading the way to the kitchen, idly wondering if the food was even still remotely warm. They sat and ate, making casual conversation, Iruka politely turned at an angle away from Kakashi's face, a favor the jounin had not asked for, but greatly appreciated. Kakashi finished first, pulling up his mask, Iruka's cue to turn and face him so they could talk more properly. The conversation was light, and full of laughter. When Iruka finally finished, they both set to work cleaning the mess and continued chatting about nothing in particular.

"Oi, Iruka-sensei, you gonna join me for a drink?" Kakashi asked again finally, hoping his companion would give him a more direct answer.

The chuunin gave a small smile. "Sure." He said plainly, and the jounin wasn't exactly sure what to make of that reaction. He knew Iruka wasn't much of a drinker, so the lack of emotion might have just been a slight apprehension for the drink and not the company; not to mention, it was getting pretty late, and Iruka had work to do. It was hard to say exactly what seemed to be holding the chuunin back, but Kakashi opted not to push the subject, lest he change Iruka's mind.

Kakashi nodded and walked to the door, slipping on his sandals, and Iruka followed suit. They left without further conversation, and Iruka followed Kakashi to a bar on the outskirts of town. The walk was quiet and comfortable but there was a looming nervousness that both men felt, though neither addressed it. They had never been particularly public about their new friendship, and as far as anyone could tell, the only reason they even associated with one another was because of their students. Their relationship wasn't really something they had intended to keep secret, it just sort of happened that way, and neither man was exactly sure how others around the village would take the news. They were an unlikely pair. They seemed opposites in every way. Kakashi was lazy, perverted, secretive, and seemed to always be trying to improve. Iruka was hardworking, prudent, open, and content with the way his life was. Their lack of compatibility was beyond obvious; it was staggering, and yet somehow they had become friends and though they didn't voice their fears, both men worried that exposing that newfound friendship would only bring about trouble. Yet here they were, sitting in some bar with Genma and Raidou obviously they had come together, and now the rumors were bound to start flying.

Kakashi ordered his first drink, and again Iruka followed suit. Genma and Raidou had been their when the other two arrived, and the fact that they had begun drinking early was extremely evident. Genma was leering and Raidou with so much lust, Iruka found himself blushing. Raidou seemed oblivious giggling drunkenly about nothing in particular. Kakashi and Iruka sighed in unison, and set to work getting themselves good and drunk as well.

It wasn't until about an hour later than anyone even commented on the fact that Kakashi and Iruka had arrived together, and by that time all of them were so drunk that any apprehension that would have made itself apparent was nowhere to be seen.

Raidou gave Iruka a curious look, as though just noticing the chuunin's presence. "He come here with you, 'Kashi-san?"

Kakashi glared at the nickname and poured himself another drink. "Yeah. You're just noticing?"

Raidou thought for a moment and then shrugged. "I guess so." He laughed and gave Iruka a pat on the back. "He's been so quiet." Iruka simply smiled and blushed, looking down at his half empty cup, and finishing it off in a single deep swallow.

"Oi, Iruka-sensei, everything okay?" Kakashi asked quietly, leaning over Iruka's shoulder and attempting to whisper in his ear. It came out as more of a breathy inquiry than a whisper. Iruka shuddered slightly at the hot breath caressing his neck and ear, and blushed a slightly deeper red.

"I-I'm fine." Iruka stuttered.

Genma watched the exchange in amusement, giggling quietly at Iruka's blushing and Kakashi's behavior. The blonde knew his friend wasn't purposely being flirtatious. He had seen Kakashi's flirting and he knew well enough that had that been the case he and Iruka would have left by now, and would probably be more than a little occupied for the night. No, this was something different and not even Genma was sure what it was. With a mental shrug, Genma decided to watch the scene play out, between his wonton glaring at Raidou, anyway.

Iruka tried to hide his embarrassment by grabbing for the bottle of sake that he and Kakashi had been sharing, hoping that perhaps a few more drinks would help him forget the feeling of that breath ghosting across the sensitive skin of his neck. As he reached for the bottle, however, his hand brushed against Kakashi's as the jounin hadn't let go of the bottle after he poured his last drink. There was an awkward moment as their fingers lingered over each other touching, caressing. Iruka was sure it was an accident; Kakashi hadn't meant anything by it, probably didn't even notice the contact at all, but Iruka couldn't help his deepening blush, and Genma watched the entire encounter in amusement while Raidou remained oblivious to everything around him.

Once Iruka finally had the bottle in his hand, he fumbled with, unsure of what exactly he had been doing in the first place. After a moment of hesitation he shrugged, and downed the rest of the bottle in a single drink. Kakashi raised an eyebrow, and Raidou applauded and continued his giggling. Iruka looked down intently at the table, trying to hide his blush, but Kakashi reached out a half gloved hand, and touched a finger to the younger man's chin, tilting Iruka's head up, and toward.

"You sure you're alright?" Kakashi asked, concern evident in his voice, his single grayish blue eye was fixed on the chuunin, and while the vague gloss of alcohol was present there, his emotions were displayed in that single eye with startling clarity. Iruka could see the concern, could nearly read Kakashi's thoughts just looking into his eye. He saw the anger threatening to take hold if either Genma or Raidou had made him uncomfortable; it was sweet really.

"I… uh… I'm fine." Iruka attempted to smile, but it was clearly forced. The anger that had been present in Kakashi's eye before was quickly becoming prominent. The glare Kakashi shot Genma was enough the steal the amusement out of the blonde's face completely. In fact, the senbon sucker looked prepared to die right there in that bar. "No, Kakashi, really, I'm fine…" Iruka assured, looking at Genma with pity, though he couldn't help but wonder what Kakashi would have done to the blonde man.

The silver haired man turned to Iruka, as though he was trying to assess the truth in the younger man's statement. "Are you sure?" Kakashi asked slowly, again leaning in just a little bit too close.

Iruka closed his eyes and nodded, taking a deep shaky breath to calm himself. Kakashi was just drunk, he wasn't flirting; he was just drunk. The chuunin managed a smile and cast a look at the empty bottle of sake. One more bottle wouldn't hurt anything would it? He waved a server over, and ordered another bottle. Raidou gave him another round of applause, giggling an idiot. It was truly amazing how Raidou could be oblivious to everything except the consumption or ordering of alcohol. Iruka gave a long sigh, deciding he might as well join in the conversation.

The four men talked and drank for a few more hours. Genma seemed to be making passes at Raidou with every comment, and Raidou remained oblivious, giggling, and encouraging everyone to drink. Kakashi made comments every so often, but was overall rather quiet, observing. Iruka spoke when spoken to, which pretty much meant that he was talking to Kakashi, and Iruka found that he couldn't stop blushing. No matter how many times he told himself that Kakashi was just drunk and unaware of personal boundaries, he couldn't help the shy blush the crept onto his cheeks every time Kakashi leaned over to whisper something.

By the end of the night they were all stumbling out of the bar mumbling and giggling. Genma had somehow managed to convince Raidou to let him support the brunette, wrapping an arm around his waist, and helping him walk, though the blonde was stumbling around like a drunken hobo as well, and the two of them really just looked idiotic.

Iruka didn't really remember much after that. He had walked with Kakashi somewhere, but he wasn't really sure where they went or what they had done when he woke the next morning. He was sure his head hurt, felt as though it might actually, and he was tempted to just lie wherever he was for the rest of the day, or at least until someone moved him, but when he heard someone moving around in another room, he knew he had to get up. Still, reluctant Iruka reached out with his chakra, hoping he had ended up at home and Izumo had come to raid is fridge. Sure, it was unlikely, but it had happened before. It was also the only option that meant he'd get to stay in bed. Izumo, however, was not who he found.

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Genma leaned his head back against the couch in his apartment, the effects of his night out drinking. He closed his eyes, hoping without the bright light to assault his eyes, his migraine might lessen at least. He was wrong, there was no change. He groaned loudly, and heard Raidou giggling next to him. At least his whole night hadn't been terrible.

"You know, giggling really doesn't suit you." Genma commented dully, trying to will his headache away. Raidou responded with muffled giggles. "How are you not sick? You drank more than any of us!" Genma was clearly unhappy with the injustice of the situation.

"I dunno. It's a gift." Raidou offered, with a shrug Genma didn't see.

There was a long silence between the two as Raidou calmed his giggling, and Genma forced himself to think about something other than how he was feeling.

"Oi, did you think Kakashi-san was acting strangely last night?" Genma asked, his mind finally finding something interesting enough to distract him from his own suffering.

"No, not really. He seemed just the same as always to me. Bored, quiet and lazy." Raidou managed to sound both entertained and disinterested in a way that was strictly Raidou.

"Yeah, but with Iruka. They seemed… weird." Genma said, trying to put his finger on what exactly seemed so strange about their behavior, but the details were too fuzzy in his mind to pinpoint what exactly seemed so strange.

Raidout thought about it for a minute, but couldn't really recall anything out of place. "They seemed normal to me, just a bit more friendly than usual. But they were drunk, and after Naruto left they started spending a bit more time together, so it's not really that surprising. What are you getting at Gengen?"

Genma turned and opened one eye to glare out Raidou before the pain became more annoying than the pet name had been. "Gengen? No. Don't do that… ever." Raidou started his giggling again. "There was more to it than that, though."

"Like what? Clearly you noticed something I didn't." Raidou said, still giggling quietly.

"I don't really know what it was. It was mostly just Kakashi-san. Iruka's always been shy, especially around Kakashi-san, so I guess that's not too strange."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Raidou said with a sigh. He put an arm around Genma's shoulders and squeezed.

Genma sighed. "I was drunk, maybe I was imagining things, but they seemed weird." He shrugged and dropped the topic, but couldn't shake the feeling that he was missing something. He'd have to ask Anko if she'd heard anything about those two lately.

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A/N: Okay, sorry about the late update. I was planning to have this up about a week ago, but I had a fun trip to the hospital when I cut my toe open and saw the innermost workings of my tiny little appendage… And then my car broke… which was a barrel of fun since I was about five miles from any town, and my phone has been broken for about a month now. And then my boyfriend and I had a cute little break up, and well… it's been interesting. Anyway… I'm really sorry about the delay, and I'm sorry if this seemed a little rushed, I really felt bad about not getting it up sooner…


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Don't own.

Warnings: Yaoi. KakaIru. Don't like, don't read. Simple. Probably a little AU.

A/N: Ooooohhhh jeez! I'm soooo sorry. I fail… It's been a bit hectic, if you didn't pick up on that, but things are almost over. Just a bit more cleaning to do, and one more doctor's appointment to get the stitches out, and we're done. No more delays, and I'll stop making you guys wait so long. You've waited long enough, on with the story!

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_Kakashi!_ Iruka tensed immediately. Where was he and why was Kakashi here? He took a deep breath and tried to figure out where he was. He was lying down, but not on a bed, it wasn't wide enough to be a bed, and it had a back to it, too soft to be a wall, and there were cushions. So, this was a couch, a very comfortable couch, but not as lump as his own. Not at home. On a couch. Kakashi. Kakashi's couch? Iruka sighed, hoping he was just severely mistaken.

"Finally awake?" The jounin questioned from behind him. His voice was soft, almost gentle, but there was a teasing tone to it that was somehow soothing. Irka groaned in response, and heard Kakashi move, and then there was a rustling sound, and more movement. Silent.

Iruka slowly opened an eye, preparing himself for the light that would inevitably assault his sensitive eyes and amplify his migraine, but what he got was unexpected. The lighting was dim, almost dark, but there was just enough light to see. It would have been a romantic atmosphere in any other situation, but as it was, this was just a precaution. The chuunin was grateful for the dim lighting and inwardly smiled when he realized that Kakashi must have anticipated the sensitivity and dimmed the lights and shaded the windows for him.

"Maa, Iruka-kun, you've never been able to hold your liquor." Kakashi spoke from behind him. The soft padding of feet and the smell of coffee coaxed Iruka to sit up, and he did so slowly, as though he was afraid his brain might slide out of his head if he moved too quickly.

Iruka simply groaned in response, trying not to thik about the last time this had happened, how he was Iruka-kun now rather than "Iruka-sensei". He wasn't the responsible teacher right now. He was the self destructive teenager, and Kakashi was here to pick up the pieces. He was pathetic.

Kakashi sat the cup of coffee down on the table in front of the chuunin, and moved to sit cross legged in front on a chair across from him. He wasn't wearing his hitai-ate or his flak jacket, and the jounin looked noticeably younger because of it. His hair drooped over his left eye, effectively hiding the sharingan, while his mask covered the lower half of his face. This was the Kakashi that had saved him from himself when his parents had died, and not it was time to cope with Naruto and Sasuke, he should have known this was coming. Just like last time, just like every time before. Kakashi wouldn't let him go on mourning, even if Iruka refused to acknowledge the fact that he was mourning.

"You need to talk about it." Kakashi said quietly, his voice remaining low and soothing, but it had lost its teasing edge and was now laced with concern. Iruka heard himself sigh. So, that's why Kakashi had been getting so close to him lately, he had been waiting for the breakdown. Waiting to take up his role as the mature comrade. His mysterious savior. Iruka felt foolish for thinking they had actually become friends. Kakashi was just doing a duty to the village, and looking out for a fellow shinobi. Iruka had played that role several times in his career. He knew it well, well enough to know that Kakashi didn't think of him as a friend, not really . This was just concern born of duty to. The kind of concern one might have for a co-worker reinforced by a deep seeded loyalty to Konoha. This was insulting.

"I don't need to talk about it. There's nothing to talk about." Iruka's voice was hoarse as he spoke, and the sound seemed to irritate his own ears. He began sipping his coffee in hopes that it would help with both the hangover and the dry throat. Kakashi gave him a knowing look. The blue-grey eye foggy with emotion, and Iruka had to force himself to look away, not to analyze what he saw there. It was all too confusing for his hazy mind. He couldn't think straight, and he doubted that he would be able to really decipher the situation anyway.

"Look, I'm fine. Naruto's grown up. This was bound to happen eventually and I knew it. He's not dead, he's just not around right now. Just like all my other students. I've dealt with it countless times before, it's no big deal." Iruka told himself that his words were true, but hurt him just to say them. Of course Naruto wasn't just like all of his other students. Of course his departure stung a bit more than usual, but he was still alive. Better than alive, he was thriving, and finally reaching all of those goals that he had been so passionate about, and Iruka was proud. More than it hurt, he was proud, but that pride didn't make it sting less, it just made the pain worth it.

"And Sasuke?" Kakashi's tone was bland and distant, as though Iruka's response had hurt him in some way, and he was now distancing himself from the other man. The reaction left Iruka confused, but he tried not to show it.

The chuunin shrugged. "I'm not sure what else I could have done." He sounded like a rebellious teen. As though he was just reciting what he knew to be the correct answer, even though he didn't really believe it. He felt himself cringe. He sounded like "Iruka-kun".

"You can talk to me, you know. I…" Kakashi trailed off sounding hurt, and Iruka wasn't sure why. "I'm here for you." Kakashi finished after a moment, and it was obvious he was trying to regain the distance in his voice, but he was failing.

Iruka gave the jounin a curious look, but said nothing. Their eyes met and Iruka shuddered slightly at the look in that lone blue eye. A look of hurt and genuine concern. A look of caring trying to bury itself beneath the bored façade that was slipping away, and Iruka found himself thinking about a night about thirteen years ago. After his parents had died. Kakashi had had that same look in his eye right before their first and only kiss. It had been awkward and bashful and uncertain and the single most perfect moment Iruka could remember in all his life.

At the time he didn't know he was even remotely interested in men, and the experience had was more than a little confusing. They had been talking and Iruka was being stubborn, refusing to admit his parents' deaths had hurt him in any way. He was playing the role of the strong shinobi, and refusing to admit he had feelings. Kakashi had given him that hurt look then, as though he was offended in some way that Iruka didn't want to dump his emotional baggage on him, that Iruka didn't want to share his most intimate feelings with the older man. Iruka's world came crashing down around him, and his eyes welled up with tears at just that single look. His heart ached and his voice was lost. He tried to say it didn't hurt. Tried to continue insisting that he was stronger than that, stronger than grief, but he could talk, couldn't get the words out. The lump in his throat refused to budge, and his words collected there, only making it bigger. His voice had been stolen from him and all he had left were tears. And then a clothed mouth pressed up against his. There was a moment of confusion, followed by an intense embarrassment, but neither pulled away. Kakashi's mask was pulled down and the kiss became desperate and needy. It lasted what felt like hours, but it ended much too soon. Kakashi's mask was up before Iruka even had a chance to see his face. There was an awkward goodbye and something Iruka hadn't ever been able to figure out.

If the blush on the jounin's face was anything to go by, then Kakashi knew exactly what Iruka had been thinking about, and for a moment Iruka was too distracted by the adorable pink blush slowly spreading to reach even the tips of the jounin's ears to see it, to notice what he had been missing all those years, but when he focused his gaze on Kakashi's eye once again, he saw it. It was there for just a fleeting second, but he saw it, and it was unmistakable. Iruka felt foolish for not seeing it before. He wasn't the only one to lose something.

"Kakashi…" Iruka whispered quietly, completely forgetting about propriety and politeness. The honorific was unimportant right now. "Are you okay?" he asked slowly. He had been so blind not to see it. On the night his parents had died Kakashi had lost everything for the second time in his life, and Iruka had been too wrapped up in his own self pity to see it. And now for a third time this man sat before him. Everything he had known was gone. His team disbanded and he was left alone, and Iruka was selfish enogh to only think of himself. "I'm so sorry…" he whispered, only barely audible, and suddenly Kakashi's expression changed.

The jounin gave a sigh, he face falling, and he looked so tired. So frail, as though just the wrong words might break him, but still there was a careful concern in the old man's eye. A concern for Iruka even when he so obviously was in pain.

"It's not about me, Iruka-kun." Kakashi gave a small smile. "It's never been about me."

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Genma turned to Raidou. "What time is it?" He asked slowly, he obviously didn't want to know the answer to that question.

"Almost noon, why?"

Genma groaned, loudly and considered smashing his head against a wall. Breaking it open would relieve the pressure at least. "I have to be in the mission room…"

Raidou nodded in understanding, and giggled to himself at Genma's torment.

"It's not funny. I'm going to be taking out my pain on you when I get back…"

Raidou actually snorted. "Yeah, sure, cuz you're so very rough." Raidou's voice took on a higher pitch, as he imitated Genma's performance from the night before. "Oh, Raidou, don't be such a tease!" He giggled in his high pitched voice. "Oh… you can do that though, do it again." More giggling. "Pleeeeeease Raidou! I neeeeeeeeeed you!"

Genma's face turned a bright shade of red, and the blonde bolting out of the apartment to the mission room forgetting his flak jacket, and he had to return for it moments later. Raidou was still laughing hysterically.

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A/N: Okay, that was kind of a sharp change in mood from the last chapter, so I through in that bit at the end with Raidou and Genma to lighten the mood a bit. It's not going to remain so angsty, I'm just a firm believer that sharing hard times makes people closer. I think the angst will be pretty much dealt with by the end of the next chapter, and then we'll be on to happier times, ne? Sorry about the slowness in updating. I'll try to get back to being more prompt as soon as things calm down here. I hope you guys are enjoying the story so far. Thanks for reading. And thanks to my reviewers for all of your support. You guys are fantastic!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Don't own.

Warnings: Yaoi. KakaIru. Don't like, don't read. Simple. Probably a little AU.

A/N: Okay, sorry. Hopefully this is the last chapter that will be so delayed. Everything has been taken care of, and the only thing left to worry about is school starting up, which usually just means I feel the need to write more to avoid doing homework. So, I think we're done with all the lateness, and I really do apologize for that. Thanks for all of you guys who have stayed with the story even though it hasn't been my best work, and the updates are coming so irregularly. But I'm going to try to make it worth your time. This chapters still a bit scatterbrained, since the bulk of it was written when I was still running around to trying to get things done, but everything is calm now, and I hope you all enjoy. Thanks so much!

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"It's not about me, Iruka-kun." Kakashi gave a small smile. "It's never been about me."

And that was true. No one had ever really worried about him. Maybe Minato, but the man was too enigmatic to be sure. Obito never worried about him, neither did Rin. He was the responsible one. The genius. He was the one that need not be worried about, and so no one worried, and he was stuck worrying about everyone else, too blind to worry about themselves. Kakashi gave a long tired sigh. He was tired, so very tired, but he was worried. Iruka wasn't being honest. Things weren't fine, and now he was deflecting, which was probably a bad sign. Before the brunette had put up halfhearted fights to appear strong and in control, but this time he had outdone himself. Kakashi wondered if the chuunin actually believed he was unaffected by the loss of his students.

"Iruka-kun, it's okay, you can tell me about it." His voice remaining low and soothing. There was a hint of worry that he tried to cover up by sounding vaguely bored, but for some reason that never seemed to work with Iruka. The man had a strange effect on him, and he wasn't really sure why. He had an urge to be himself around the younger man, something he hadn't really done since his father had died. Kakashi just assumed it was because Iruka had been, probably the only person he had considered a friend when he was smaller. They weren't close by any means, but the friendship he had shared with Iruka had been unique in that Kakashi had no interest in other people, especially when he was younger. He only wanted to make his father proud, and then his father was dead, and that didn't matter. So, he did the only thing he could think to do, he tried to make his village proud. His father had ended his life in shame for disappointing the village, and it left Kakashi with a strange feeling of guilt and responsibility. He had to make the village proud of the Hatake clan once again. It was what his father would have wanted, and he had lived out so much of his life running from the image of his father while trying to please him.

With Iruka though, he didn't have to run from the image of his father. Iruka seemed to accept him for who he was, even if he was similar to his dad, and the rest of the village had come to cope with some of their similarities over the years, but Kakashi still kept much of that to himself. He didn't want to be reminded of what he was running from. The image he was hiding from, and the guilt that had never really been forgotten.

"I'm fine. It hurts that they're gone. It hurts that there was nothing I could do. It hurts that I'm alone… again, but I'll get over it." The younger man's voice tore him from his musings rather abruptly. His voice had lost the edge. His answer was honest, but not all that different. The admittance was important though, and Kakashi felt a bit of pride that Iruka had grown enough to admit such things so easily now. Every other time they had gone through this it had taken days… sometimes weeks for Iruka to even admit that the loss had hurt him, but this time it had taken less than an hour, and Kakashi couldn't help but feel proud that Iruka was finally starting to learn how to cope with loss.

"I see…" Kakashi responded analytically. His thoughts had started to wander to the last time they had been in this position. For some reason Kakashi had convinced himself that they hadn't had one of these talks since Iruka's parents died, but that wasn't true at all. They had a quick discussion after Mizuki's turning on the village, but Kakashi had been too busy to really see that through, and for some reason he felt guilt rising in the pit of his stomach. He hadn't even bothered to check up on the man after Mizuki's prison break. He mentally slapped himself for his absence for the past years. Of course Iruka had changed, he had practically disappeared for about 17 years or so. Or at least it seemed that way, but Kakashi was still around he just hadn't been there for Iruka, for all the changes the man had gone through. He had watched from a distance when he had the time, but they weren't really friends anymore. They were almost strangers.

"Kakashi-senpai," Iruka was sounded vaguely like a worried child when he spoke, "Are you alright? You… you lost them too…" Iruka's eyes were wide with worry as he stared up at the older man waiting for a response.

Kakashi opted to ignore the question, however, his thoughts were elsewhere. "I'm sorry, Iruka-kun." He said sadly, though his expression hadn't changed. "I'm sorry I haven't been here. I should have paid more attention to you, but I've been so busy…" He let out a long sigh. "That's not really an excuse, that I was busy, I should have made time for you and I'm sorry."

Iruka's expression became one of confusion, but lost none of its concern in the process. "What you are you talking about? It's not your responsibility to take care of me." Iruka wanted to change the subject, wanted to get Kakashi to talk about himself, how he was feeling after losing two of his students, but he couldn't bring himself to drop the topic at hand. Why did Kakashi feel so guilty about not being around more? They weren't really friends… were they?

"It's not my responsibility, no, but…" Kakashi trailed off, looking for the right words. "I've always thought of us as… I don't know, it's stupid I guess. I just want to be sure you're alright. You've been through a lot, and you're…" _a really good person, my only true friend, you mean so much to me… _"a really important part of the village." Kakashi mentally smacked himself for not being able to bring himself to say something more honest. He had always kept that distance from everyone, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't convince himself to say what he really meant.

Iruka nodded, noting that it was indeed a feeling of duty toward the village rather than a vague sort of friendship that had Kakashi worried about him. "Well, I'm fine." Iruka said, rather more coldly than he had intended, but something about the revelation that they really weren't friends had stung more than he had anticipated. "You lost them too, maybe you should focus on dealing with your own problems." Iruka stood to leave and almost instantly regretted it. His head was pounding and his legs suddenly felt boneless. He had to fight off the urge to vomit, and cringed as he felt the room spin around him. He felt a hand rubbing soothing circles on his back before he even registered that Kakashi had moved.

"Iruka-kun, sit down, you can't be feeling well." He whispered quietly, and Iruka could almost see the hear the smile in his voice. That cheerful smile that seemed almost mocking to him now that he had heard the truth about their relationship. He had been foolish for assuming they were friends in the first place. "Please… ?" Kakashi was pleading, for what Iruka didn't know, but the helpless sound of Kakashi's voice had nearly caused him to fall back onto the couch in surprise. If it weren't for Kakashi supporting him, he probably would have fallen back.

"I'm fine, really. You have your own problems to deal with, don't let me get in your way." Iruka walked to the door slowly, and Kakashi slumped onto the couch with a heavy sigh. _I wish he could just see Underneath the Underneath. _He thought, regretting his inability to be upfront about almost anything. _If he could just read between my little white lies, maybe he'd understand that he means more to me than that… so much more._ And Kakashi looked up in time to see Iruka slipping on his sandals.

"Iruka-kun, please… wait…" He sounded pathetic even to himself, but he was becoming almost desperate to keep the chuunin there, to explain everything.

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Genma sauntered into the mission room with all the grace of toddler just learning to walk. He stumbled a bit, using the wall as a support to keep himself upright. He was tired from a long night of… chatting… with Raidou. Yes. Chatting. Sure. That would work. He let out a chuckle, nobody was going to believe that, which was what made it so perfect. His eyes were bloodshot and his hair was a mess, but he didn't care. He had finally had his way with Raidou after months of practically throwing himself at the man, and nothing was going to ruin his mood. Not even his headache or the overwhelming need to vomit. He was just too content to care.

He sat down at the desk with a smug grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. It was so obvious that he had gotten laid night before that he might as well have been wearing a sign, a big one, that was glowing, and about as loud as Gai. He leaned back, putting his feet up on the desk in front of him, letting the chair tilt back slightly, with his hands behind his head. He was a picture of satisfaction, a long sigh escaping him as he prepared for a day of daydreams and gossip.

Anko, as if on cue waltzed into the room looking rather bored and mischievous, she went unnoticed by Genma, who was busy replaying the events from the night before behind closed eyes. Anko cleared her throat to make her presence known, but Genma refused to be torn away from his daydreams. She cleared her throat again, this time punctuating the act by throwing a kunai just passed the blonde's head.

"I'll be with you in just a moment." He finally responded, his grin in full force as he let the Raidou of his imagination finish his molesting before cracking an eye open to look at the kunoichi. "Can I help you?" he asked, looking vaguely irritated at the interruption.

"So I take it Raidou finally put out?" She asked rather bluntly.

Genma shrugged in response. "We stayed up all night chatting." He replied, his grin doing nothing to convince the woman.

"I'm sure." She raised a knowing eyebrow, but didn't push the subject. She'd just have to go spread that little piece of information around town once she'd left for the day. "So, what's up?" It wasn't even a clever euphemism for 'what's the latest gossip' it was just slightly less obnoxious.

Genma shrugged. "It's been slow." He closed his eyes again and rocked back in his chair. "Though I did want to ask you if you'd heard anything about Kakashi-san and Iruka-sensei." He added casually. For ninja they weren't really the most covert people when it came to gossip. It was sad on a level, but mostly it was just funny.

Anko shrugged. "Not really. They've been spending a bit more time together since Naruto left, but that's not particularly surprising. Sharing loss and whatever." She waved her hand flippantly, but her tone begged for details.

"They came drinking with Raidou and me last night. They were acting a little strange, just wondered if there was news." His tone remained bored, but his thoughts had started to drift to his night with Raidou, and he almost forgot Anko was there at all.

"Strange how?" she was practically drooling like a hungry dog for the news.

Genma shrugged, his senbon sliding from one side of his mouth to the other, clicking between his teeth. "Just… a little more than friendly, but not outright hot for each other. Somewhere awkward in between." His tone remained bored as he fiddled with the senbon in his mouth.

Anko sat quietly for a long moment before standing with a quick "I have to go." She practically ran out of the room to spread the news about the 'new couple'. Genma could almost hear the squeals of the kunoichi around town when they heard the mysterious Sharingan Kakashi was falling for the shy school teacher. He could nearly hear the purple haired woman's thought process, and he knew she was going to spin some elaborate romantic tale about how Kakashi hadn't just jumped into bed with the chuunin, like he had with all of his other conquests, and how the perfect love story was unfolding right in their very village. Jiraiya would probably go ape shit.

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Iruka froze, his hand on the door, but he did not turn to face the man behind him. "What is it?" His voice was low, just above a whisper and dripping with hurt, Kakashi sincerely hoped he wasn't the cause of that hurt.

"I'm sorry… I just… You mean more to me than that, okay?" His eyes went wide and his face turned a frightening shade of red as the words escaped him. His hand moved to cover his masked mouth as though trying to shove the words back in before Iruka heard them. It was too late though, the damage had been done.

"What exactly do I mean to you then?" Iruka's voice was still cold and distant but it had lost its edge, and was softened by a hint of hopefulness, Kakashi didn't really know what to make of that though.

"I was hoping… Um…" His voice was shaky and small, and really he had hoped Iruka would understand without him having to explain things any further. He took a deep breath, and walked to the door, turning Iruka around to face him finally. The chocolate eyes looked up at him with so much emotion, Kakashi nearly broke down right there and told the man everything, but he didn't really trust his voice to work, he instead stared into those brown eyes searching for something, he wasn't sure what it was he was looking for, but he knew he had found it. A half gloved hand reached up to caress a tan cheek, his pale thumb moving in a gentle circular motion. He wanted to kiss the younger man. He wanted to feel the completeness their shared kiss had offered him when he was younger. He wanted to feel wanted, and loved. Kakashi's heart was beating hard and fast, and his stomach was twisting into knots.

"K-Kakashi-senpai?" Iruka asked, his voice shaky. Neither man moved from their position, both too frightened they'd ruin the moment, scare the other away. So, they stood there, body heat mingling in silence as their anxiety rose and the intensity become almost overwhelming. Neither wanted to make the first move.

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A/N: Okay, I know I said the angst would be over after this chapter, but I think it may branch out to the next chapter a bit. Kakashi has feelings too, so it's his turn to share, finally, and I think there's going to be a lot more detail about their past, which likely means more angst, so sorry, but happiness is coming. I promise. This chapter just turned out longer than I thought it would. Anyway, hope you enjoyed! And I'll try to have to next chapter up promptly! And a big thanks to all my reviews. You are my true inspiration for writing.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Don't own.

Warnings: Yaoi. KakaIru. Don't like, don't read. Simple. Probably a little AU.

A/N: Well, I got this out a little later in the day than I had originally intended, but at least I got it out _on_ the day I intended for the first time in forever. I hope you guys enjoy the chapter. ^_^

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"K-Kakashi-senpai?" Iruka asked, his voice shaky. Neither man moved from their position, both too frightened they'd ruin the moment, scare the other away. So, they stood there, body heat mingling in silence as their anxiety rose and the intensity become almost overwhelming. Neither wanted to make the first move.

Kakashi gave a long sigh, closing his eyes in contemplation. He knew what it was Iruka wanted to ask, and he was silently pleading to any being in the universe that might listen for Iruka not to ask that question. He wished like hell Iruka would just understand, and not need to hear it; the jounin really couldn't bring himself to say it, not yet. There would be time, if Iruka would just wait, and understand, there would be time, and eventually. It would happen eventually. He would say it, Iruka would hear it, but not now. He couldn't, there was so much on the table, and Kakashi wasn't ready to show his hand just yet. There was too much at risk.

"What do I mean to you then?" Iruka asked sheepishly after what would have been an awkwardly long moment, but both men were too preoccupied by their own thoughts to notice. Kakashi cringed as the words fell from Iruka's lips, and offered a small smile, that was just barely visible through the mask at such a close range, and an apologetic look. He couldn't bring himself to say it. He knew he wouldn't be able to, and it was one of those times where it was almost better to just cut his losses, and let the whole thing go rather than let Iruka know, and be rejected. Almost.

"Please…" Kakashi said, his eye pleading silently along with him, and Iruka felt his heart break a little, though the chuunin wasn't sure if it was because Kakashi was refusing to answer his question, or if it was because he had known Kakashi wouldn't, but asked anyway only to see sadness so profound in that lone blue eye, that Iruka wanted to be swallowed by the ground he stood on, and forgotten. Kakashi couldn't even bring himself to finish his plea, he just needed time. Surely Iruka had at least a vague notion of what he meant to him. How could he not after all those years? The jounin looked directly into Iruka's eyes as if searching for something unspeakably important, and Iruka stared back in confusion, as excitement built up in his stomach, a shy sort of emotion that didn't want to make itself known until Iruka could be sure he had read Kakashi's expression correctly.

They stood there for a long moment, and Iruka told himself that he didn't need to hear Kakashi say it. He was just being childish, and the important thing was that he knew how Kakashi felt, whether or not the older man was willing to actually verbalize it just yet. The look in Kakashi's eye, left no room for question, it was obvious how the man felt about him, even if Kakashi himself wasn't completely sure. Kakashi moved, wrapping his free hand around Iruka's waist. The movement was slow, almost shy, but deliberate. If he could not tell Iruka how he felt, well, the least he could do was show the man… again.

Before Iruka even had time to register the movement, Kakashi's mask was down, and soft lips pressed against his own. The kiss was tentative, and unsure. There was no insistence or forcefulness involved, but there was so much emotion behind the gesture, Iruka couldn't help but return the gesture with even more force, pressing his body flush against Kakashi's. Kakashi's tongue slid gingerly across Iruka's lip playfully, and Iruka opened his mouth, welcoming the jounin inside. Kakashi let out a groan, pushing Iruka up against the door, and deepening the kiss. Iruka wrapped his arms around Kakashi's neck pulling him closer, needing him closer. If there first kiss could have been called intense, this was beyond words. The passion between them was so profound it threatened to consume them both, and neither man would have objected. Kakashi shifted, sliding his leg in between Iruka's pressing closer still. The hand that been caressing Iruka's cheek had moved bury itself in Iruka's hair, fingers threading through the silky strands, pulling the man to him. Iruka's arms remained wrapped around Kakashi's neck, one hand had moved to the back of the jounin's head, running his fingers through the surprisingly soft hair there.

Iruka let out a moan from deep in his throat when Kakashi's leg rubbed against his arousal. This kiss broke then, rather reluctantly as Kakashi pulled away, resting his forehead on Iruka's and panting lightly. Their lips brushed as he spoke. "I think maybe you should go." He said between pants, but made no move to free Iruka from between himself and the door.

"Yeah." Iruka panted out, his face an adorable shade of red.

Kakashi tilted his head slightly kissing Iruka lightly as though in goodbye, but before their lips even parted, Iruka pulled him back down for another searing kiss. Their hands wondered over each other, feeling hard muscle under fabric, and their bodies screamed for more contact. Kakashi pushed Iruka further back against the door, and lifted him slightly, making up for the slight height difference. Iruka obliged, first standing on the tips of his toes, and then wrapping his legs around the jounin's waist enjoying the feeling of having Kakashi touching almost every part of him, reveling in it. Iruka wanted more though, he wanted to be _closer _to Kakashi, even touching as much as they were Kakashi seemed so far away. He needed the man inside him, to fill him and make him feel whole. He began rocking his hips against Kakashi's wantonly, and Kakashi returned the gesture, pressing the arousals together, the action was so torturously wonderful both men groaned in a mix of pleasure and frustration. They needed more.

Their kiss broke again both men, now panting heavily, and Kakashi took to nipping at Iruka's bottom lip in a playful manner, letting out low growl when their hips met in a friction so great that he nearly lost all of his self control. He buried his face in Iruka's neck, sucking, nibbling and licking, his body not quite obeying his mind. He needed this. On every possible level he needed this, but he couldn't. It wasn't time, he hadn't even been able to tell Iruka he thought of him as a friend, much less as more than that, and no matter how much he wished he could just hop into bed with the younger man, he wanted more than that. He had waited years for this, and he was going to do it properly.

"You really should go." Kakashi whispered, his voice was obviously strained as he held back a moan.

"Mmhmm." Iruka agreed almost absentmindedly as he took Kakashi's earlobe into his mouth and sucked and nipped on it. The jounin let out a shaky breath and pushed Iruka away. His self control was wearing extremely thin, and if they didn't stop now, he doubted he would have been able to stop at all. He stepped away, letting Iruka gain his footing on the ground before he pulled completely away from the door.

The hand that had pushed Iruka back lingered on the chuunin's chest, moving up to caress the younger man's neck, and cheek as he spoke. "You really should be going." Kakashi's tone was serious, but regretful. Iruka hardly noticed, however, as Kakashi hadn't pulled his mask back up, and Iruka was finally getting to see his face. Kakashi blushed, realizing his mistake, but made no move to correct it, he allowed Iruka to examine his face for a long moment. The jounin was handsome, certainly. His features were sharp and vaguely feminine, but they left no doubt that Kakashi was indeed male. His jaw was strong, but not wide. His nose was slightly upturned, which made him look… cute was the only way Iruka could think to describe it. His lips were an adorable pink color that begged to be kissed. They were not as full as Iruka's, but they weren't as thin as the chuunin would have expected either, more of a happy medium bordering on full. The only flaw was the scar that ran down the left side of Kakashi's face and a few more smaller scars that were almost completely unnoticeable.

In short, Kakashi was pretty. Very pretty. And Iruka stared rather shamelessly for a good solid minute before he remembered his manners, and had the decency to blush.

"I'm sorry… it's just…" Kakashi smiled, and Iruka had to fight the urge to pounce on the man at the sight. The silver haired shinobi offered a small nod as if in understanding, though the look on the jounin's face told Iruka that he had been gravely misunderstood. "It's just… You're so pretty…" Iruka found himself blushing rather furiously, Kakashi turned a surprising shade of red himself, and the chuunin felt rather proud to have made the unflappable Kakashi blush.

"You should go…" Kakashi repeated, though it was more than obvious he didn't really want the chuunin to leave.

"Of course." Iruka nodded, a bit awkwardly, grabbing the door handle.

"Just…" Iruka paused to hear what Kakashi had to say. "I'll see you around, sensei." Kakashi finished after a moment's hesitation, and Iruka felt a pang of disappointment.

"Yeah." Iruka agreed, slipping on his sandals, and walking out into the streets of Konoha.

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Iruka sat in his apartment with his face in his hands trying to figure the whole situation out. Kakashi had not given him a straight answer, which was more than a little frustrating, and on top of that, there was the kiss which was frustrating on a whole different level. Iruka's body was still screaming for Kakashi's and it had been hours since he'd left the jounin's apartment. Iruka sighed, trying to think about what the event had meant rather than contemplating the event itself, at least for right now.

What had Kakashi meant when he said he meant more than that? Did he mean that he considered Iruka to be a friend? That kiss certain suggested that he wanted to do more than just be friends with him, but the brunette refused to jump to any conclusions. Kakashi was nearly impossible to read sometimes. They had kissed before, and it had gone nowhere. In fact, Iruka hardly saw Kakashi after that for more than a decade. So maybe that was Kakashi's warped way of saying he never wanted to see Iruka again. Though it certainly hadn't felt that way. It felt like he never wanted Iruka to leave, but the jounin had all but begged him to get the hell out of his apartment. There were so many inconsistencies, and Iruka wasn't really sure how to piece them together.

He thought over their past time spent together, and tried to ignore their new found "friendship" or whatever it was. Back in the academy, they had hardly spent any time together. It was as though Kakashi was there one day, and gone the next. Iruka tried to figure out if anything special had happened then, but couldn't really come up with anything. He remembered how Kakashi had stood up for him for no real reason when the other kids teased him. I probably didn't mean anything, it was probably just Kakashi being nice… which was strange to think given the jounin's attitude now that he was older, but back then Kakashi was just a kid. He didn't have that hard outer shell of an ex-ANBU operative. So, it was probably just nothing.

Iruka tried to remember a crowd Kakashi hung out with then, but couldn't come up with anything. The time span had been too short. Kakashi seemed to be only interested in school, constantly studying and practicing. The only time Iruka could remember the man spending time with anyone was when he had invited Iruka to train with him after school one day. It had only happened once, but it had been one of the best training sessions Iruka had ever gone through. Kakashi seemed to be extremely good at picking out people's weaknesses, and had helped Iruka see his own flaws, and correct them. Thinking back on it, the training session couldn't have been very helpful for Kakashi, who mostly just seemed to be teaching Iruka how to get things done. Kakashi had actually worked in almost no training of his own that day. Perhaps that's why Kakashi had only invited him once. He must have made for a crappy partner.

And then there was the death of Iruka's parents. Kakashi had lost so much then, the village had lost so much. But Kakashi had practically worshipped his sensei, and Iruka could only pity himself for losing his parents. He hadn't even fought in the battle. Kakashi had, and he was just a child, just like Iruka, but unlike Iruka, Kakashi had made himself useful, and he had still lost Minato, while the wounds were still fresh from Obito's death. Kakashi had lost everything all in such a short span of time, and Iruka hadn't even bothered to notice. He just sat around moaning and whining like an idiot. Sure, Iruka had every right to be upset, but he offered Kakashi no comfort, even when Kakashi had taken such good care of him during that time.

The third had ordered Kakashi to take a break from missions, from everything, and to deal with his loss. While everyone in the village had certainly lost something, not everyone was such a high level ninja, and not everyone was a high level ninja who also happened to be a child. Kakashi needed time to cope. The boy had already shown signs of being emotionally damaged, especially after his father died, and he had lost everything for a second time around, and Sandaime would not allow him to ignore it. He forced Kakashi to take leave, and deal with his issues. As a result, Kakashi had taken Iruka in, taken care of him, helped the other boy get on his feet, and forced Iruka to cope, while Kakashi simply suppressed.

Iruka hadn't even thought anything of it, he was so traumatized by the loss of his parents, he hadn't even realized what Kakashi was doing for him. Kakashi had been just a year older, and yet he had made sure Iruka had everything he needed. Made sure the boy woke up in the morning, made sure Iruka ate, and continued to progress. In fact, it was probably due to his time with Kakashi that Iruka became a chuunin so soon after the deaths of his parents. He needed something to occupy his time, while he let the wounds heal, and Kakashi had provided that for him, training Iruka. It had been sweet really.

And then one day after practice they both found themselves tired, both physically and emotionally. Iruka had finally had his breakdown, though Kakashi had coaxed it. Told Iruka that he couldn't run forever, and that he would have to face the reality of the situation eventually, and Iruka had cracked, spilling everything. Telling Kakashi everything as though it were some epic confession that his parents' death had been painful. And Kakashi was there to comfort him, and to pick up the pieces, and to kiss him, which had brought on a whole new set of emotions Iruka had to sort through.

The last time he had really spent any time with Kakashi had been after Mizuki had gone rogue. It was a short talk, and Iruka was a bit disappointed. Kakashi had come to be sure Iruka was coping well, but was too busy to really stay long and discuss the matter, rather he came by ever so often to check up on him, and make sure he was coping, until Iruka finally admitted that the loss of such a close friend had stung more than just a little, but the wounds would heal, and Iruka remembered that moment with perfect clarity.

Kakashi had taken Iruka's hand into his own, and his eye curved up into its happy little smile. There was a long moment where Iruka wasn't really sure what to do, but then Kakashi spoke. "I'm proud of you, and just know, he wasn't your only friend, Iruka." And that was it. Kakashi was gone in a puff of smoke, leaving Iruka confused and strangely happy. But that had been over a year ago, and it was nothing special. When Mizuki escaped from jail Iruka didn't even have the pleasure of speaking with the jounin himself, rather Pakkun had stepped in and informed him that Kakashi was worried, and wanted to be sure he was okay. Iruka told the pug that he was fine, just a little shaken up, and Pakkun had accepted the answer and left it at that.

Iruka groaned. Thinking about the past wasn't really helping him with the situation. He still had a feeling in the pit of his stomach that maybe Kakashi was just being a good shinobi, looking after a fellow shinobi, and that was the extent of it, but after that kiss… It just seemed impossible for their relationship to be nothing after a kiss that had been so passionate. Iruka's heart began to speed up again just thinking about it. He felt that sense of need threaten to consume him once again, but what if he was just imagining it? Seeing what he wanted to see? He had no way of knowing. He couldn't know until he heard Kakashi say it. He had to hear the words the man himself to be sure. But Kakashi had seemed so terrified of explaining himself. And that brought on another wave of worries. What if Kakashi was just kissing him to avoid hurting his feelings? As some kind of easy way out, so he didn't have to tell Iruka that he meant nothing to him. He could just kiss him and disappear like last time. Iruka groaned a second time, his frustration becoming more evident. He stood and began pacing to try and calm his nerves, but it did little to help.

He had to know. He had to ask Kakashi what it was he wanted. But Kakashi had let him see his face. That had to mean something right? Iruka tried to think of anyone who may have seen Kakashi's face, and aside from Ayame he could think of no one. So, it was obviously something he kept hidden. Or at least it seemed that way, but he had shown Iruka without really noticing he was doing it. Either that meant he was comfortable enough around Iruka for it to be alright, or the mask thing really wasn't as big of a deal as most people seemed to think. Iruka made a decision then to go to bed and try to forget the whole thing, telling himself that if he didn't, it was very likely he might break something out of frustration. He would just have to ask the frustrating jounin later. Maybe tomorrow. He sighed and walked off to bed, even though it was only around 6pm.

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A/N: How'd you guys like that kissing scene? Huh? That was incredibly fun to write. I hope you're all enjoying the story so far. So, I failed at condensing all the angst into this chapter, though I tried. It's a bit longer than the others, but still not quite done. We're going to have to get through Kakashi's breakdown now, 27 years worth of angst is all about to pour out of the guy at once, so I decided to just stop there, and wait until the next chapter to get that over with. Thanks for reading! And thanks to all my reviewers. You guys motivate me to actually write this stuff on time! I appreciate you more than you know.

Oh, and I believe the AU made its presence known in this chapter. The timeline has been tweaked a bit to suit story purposes, hope you all don't mind.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Don't own.

Warnings: Yaoi. KakaIru. Don't like, don't read. Simple. Probably a little AU.

A/N: So, I had this started, as usual, by the time I last updated. Thing is, I couldn't really stop typing. It all kind of just came pouring out of me all at once, which was surprising since I've been having such a hard time with this fic. It's been like pulling teeth to get anything out of me, but I guess now that life is calm, I have all this pent of inspiration. Enjoy! ^_^

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Iruka made a decision then to go to bed and try to forget the whole thing, telling himself that if he didn't, it was very likely he might break something out of frustration. He would just have to ask the frustrating jounin later. Maybe tomorrow. He sighed and walked off to bed, even though it was only around 6pm.

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Iruka managed to go the rest of the weekend without even leaving his apartment. He graded, he paced, he cooked, he ate, he paced some more, he slept, and he most certainly did not think about Kakashi. He ignored the knotting feeling in his gut every time the man did _not _come to mind. Why would the guy come to mind anyway? He wasn't thinking about him. He wasn't thinking about that kiss, and he most certainly wasn't trying to figure out what Kakashi's intentions were. It was the furthest thing from his mind. All the not thinking about Kakashi only led to more confusion. What the hell had Kakashi meant by "more than that"?! It was not driving Iruka crazy, but only because Iruka was NOT thinking about it. Not at all. He was not on the verge of ripping his hair out by the time Monday rolled around, and he had not convinced himself that the emotion in that kiss had been completely one sided, because he was most definitely not thinking about! Not! He wasn't, and he would be very happy if his mind would stop reminding him that he was a damn liar.

Truth be told he was so on edge, even Konohamaru didn't bother trying to pull any stunts. He was on the verge of a complete mental breakdown trying to figure out one simple thing. Were he and Kakashi friends? He could start there, there was good. There was definitely good. It could progress from there, if Kakashi wanted it too, but Iruka couldn't even be sure the about the friendship thing, and if he could just think about something other than Kakashi for a minute, he would have realized that he was blowing the whole thing out of proportion. When class ended his students left more slowly than usual, as though they were being cautious not to make any sudden movements around the obviously irritable sensei.

When the last student finally wondered out of the room, carefully closing the door behind her, Iruka heaved a sigh of relief. He just needed to breathe and focus on something else, like the papers he had to grade. He mentally groaned and looked out the window, only to realize he had finally completely lost his mind and was suffering from hallucinations. Well, hell if he was crazy, he might as well just learn to live with it, he raised a hand to greet the Kakashi hallucination sitting in the windowsill.

"Yo." Kakashi replied, holding up a hand in a lazy attempt at a wave.

"What brings you here?" Iruka asked, rather blandly. It was just a hallucination after all, no point in being friendly to his own imagination.

Kakashi shrugged noncommittally, and looked around the room, as if to make sure it was actually empty. He slipped into the classroom, rubbing the back of his neck like a nervous child.

"Well, um, you see, I wanted to talk to you about the other day…" Kakashi said slowly.

"Of course you do." Iruka nearly spat. He sounded rather disgusted with the prospect.

"Uh… I'm sorry… I guess that was a bad idea then. I didn't mean to… uh… force you…"

Iruka looked up at his hallucination questioningly. "What do you mean? I pretty much jumped you." Iruka said, still blandly, but there was a hint of curiosity in his voice, as though he hadn't expected that response. Maybe this wasn't a hallucination. Maybe. Probably was.

"I… um… Look, I'm sorry. I just…" Kakashi looked flustered as though he was rapidly changing his mind about what he wanted to say. "Never mind" he mumbled finally, looking rather defeated.

Iruka gave in and decided to play along, just in case his hallucination happened to be real. "No, I'm sorry. I've just been stressed. It's not your fault. What did you want to say?"

Kakashi gave an unsure look, as though he had lost all the confidence he had once had to say what he had come to say. "It's just… uh… You asked me... and I didn't… So I thought… and…"

"About what I mean to you?" Iruka asked, unable to hide the hopefulness in his voice. Well, if this was a hallucination, it already knew he was excited, no point in hiding it.

"Um. Yes."

"And?" Iruka encouraged.

"Well… Uh…" Kakashi looked around again, obviously hesitant about something, and then pulled down his mask, slowly, almost teasingly, though Iruka could see it was out of shyness. "You see…" Without his mask on Kakashi's blush was extremely evident on his pale face, his cheeks a bright pink color, and the jounin couldn't seem to keep eye contact. "I certainly have no negative feelings toward you. I… uh… I'd like to… uh… call us friends?" Kakashi finished in a sentence, as though asking permission rather than stating it as fact.

Iruka nodded. "Friends is good." Iruka said slowly, suddenly starting to worry that this really was an illusion. There was a slightly awkward moment when Iruka looked at Kakashi's face again, studying it, though being less rude than the first time, not really gawking like he had before. I couldn't help, but want to kiss those pouty pink lips again. They were almost begging for it, but they had just made progress, friends was something there was no need to jump into anything. There would be time for that. "Well," Iruka interrupted his own thought process before he lost himself. "if we're going to be friends, I think it's imperative that we share things. Like our pain, ne?" Iruka asked slowly, almost cautiously, but Kakashi didn't seem to be paying attention.

"Ne." Kakashi agreed, his eye locked on Iruka's face as though mezmorized.

"Kakashi-senpai?" Iruka had reverted back to the old name, as though they were just kids once again.

"I'm sorry…" Kakashi said rather cryptically, and before Iruka had a chance to question it, Kakashi was upon him, pressing him against the blackboard, kissing him fervently. Iruka didn't miss a beat, pulling Kakashi closer, and deepening the kiss himself, sliding his tongue into Kakashi's mouth, tasting him slowly, savoring Kakashi's distinct flavor. The chuunin didn't even notice Kakashi making the hand seals, or the change of scenery, he was too distracted, happily convinced that this was no hallucination, or if it was it was awfully solid and Kakashi flavored, and that suited Iruka just fine.

The chuunin gasped in both surprise and excitement when he felt himself being pressed firmly against an unfamiliar wall. He did not need to look around to realize they were in Kakashi's bedroom it was just something he understood, though he couldn't be sure how. Kakashi lifted him once again, changing the angle to provide more of the much needed friction, though Kakashi's movements weren't as uncontrolled as they had been during their previous liaison. There was still that neediness, the passion, but there was a tenderness there that had been forgotten before, a gentleness that was giving Iruka shivers. He felt Kakashi press against him, and there was no mistaking how much either of them were enjoying the moment.

The kiss broke after what seemed like hours, and Iruka's head was practically spinning in a mix of emotion and arousal. Kakashi found purchase on a tan neck, nipping and sucking at a leisurely pace, though his rocking hips belied the control his mouth seemed to have. A half gloved hand caressed Iruka's thigh through fabric, the chuunin's legs had found themselves wrapped around the taller man's waist, which provided perfect leverage for his movements. The hand on his thigh had started off as gently rubbing circles, the fingertips drawing intricate designs on the fabric, playful, and tender, but Kakashi's need was beginning to overpower his control, and the hand had gone to gripping, pulling Iruka's hips closer to his own as their hips rocked together. Their flak jackets were proving to be more than a little annoying, and Kakashi hastily removed his, Iruka following suit despite his better judgment. When the obstructions were removed they went back to what they had been doing. Kakashi sliding a hand under Iruka's shirt, moving slowly up a muscled back to grip a tanned shoulder pulling the smaller man closer. Kakashi's face buried itself in the tan neck. Iruka could feel the jounin blushing, could feel the hot breaths coming out in irregular pants, teasing the sensitive skin of his neck. It was all too much, he knew that they should stop, there was too much for them to talk about, and this kissing thing was getting in the way of their newly developed friendship. Friends didn't do this, and they should probably discuss what exactly it meant before they went any further, but Iruka couldn't bring himself to say anything. He was enjoying himself far too much, and didn't want it to stop.

Iruka let out a short gasp followed by a quiet moan when Kakashi resumed his nipping and sucking. He could feel Kakashi beginning to tremble slightly, and his body began to do the same. His fingers found themselves threaded through silver locks pulling the jounin closer begging for more. The hand on Iruka's thigh tightened its grip almost painfully before loosening again, pulling Iruka's hips toward Kakashi's own harshly and Kakashi let out a low groan and bit down on the chuunin's neck slightly harder than he had intended, though Iruka couldn't bring himself to do anything but enjoy the feeling, despite the fact that it would surely leave a mark in the morning.

" 'Kashi…" Iruka moaned out, and his own voice seemed to snap him out of his lust induced stupor. " 'Kashi." He repeated, a bit more coherently, though he still couldn't seem to get the man's full name out, let alone the honorific. "We should talk." The words came out as an unconvincing moan, but Kakashi seemed to agree enough to pull himself away, even if their hips continued to rock a bit less feverishly for a moment before they could gather enough self control to stop. Kakashi looked up at him, both eyes exposed, though Iruka didn't remember the hitai-ate being removed. The look in those mismatched eyes was one of lust and apology, a strange combination, but Iruka pushed it aside, trying to clear his own thoughts. "I wanted to talk to you."

Kakashi nodded, blushing and looking down as though ashamed. "I remember." He stepped away, letting Iruka gain his footing before relieving himself of all contact with the chuunin. "I'm sorry… I just… uh… what was it you were saying?" Kakashi was blushing such a vibrant red, it was starting to look almost purple.

Iruka stood for a moment trying to remember what exactly it was he had been wanting to ask. "Um… Just… You've been there for me, since forever, you know?" He started slowly. "You've just lost everything, for the third time in your life, Kakashi-san. I think it's time I was there for you. You need to learn to cope too." The atmosphere of the room was changing, though slowly, and both men became more serious, pushing their hormones aside.

Kakashi stared intently at his own feet, and nodded slowly. "Come." He said simply. It was not a request, but a command, Iruka did not have to obey, but if the chuunin wanted answers he figured he might as well. Kakashi walked into the living room, and sat on the couch, patting a cushion next to him, in invitation for Iruka. The brunette, moved to sit beside him, and sat quietly waiting for Kakashi to talk on his own, when he was ready. "I haven't lost everything." Kakashi admitted. "I've always had you." There was a pause where Kakashi bit his lip as if trying to figure out a solution to an impossible question. "You didn't seem to notice, but I've kind of always wanted us to be…" He trailed off, and Iruka could see the sentence being altered before the jounin continued. "Friends." Kakashi said finally, though it was obvious that hadn't been the original intention. "When sensei died… I needed something, a distraction, I couldn't cope with it." Kakashi's voice was trembling, but he continued. "You were a welcome distraction. I had been worried about you after I left the academy, I suppose you were pretty much the only thing close to a friend I had made there, but I had to leave before we ever really even developed a relationship. I was naïve. That one day, I took you out training, I had hoped I could catch you up to my level in a single afternoon, it was stupid, but I didn't want to lose you. I knew I was going to be leaving, and I guess I wanted you to come with me." He gave a small smile blushing slightly. "You learned faster than I would have expected now, looking back on it. You were a quick study when told specifically what you were doing wrong, but you couldn't really figure it out yourself." Kakashi sighed realizing he had strayed slightly off topic and ran a hand through silver hair. "When sensei died, Sandaime forced me to go on leave, and I wasn't able to distract myself with missions, so I found you. I'd been worried about you anyway, and it was a good time to catch up I suppose, but you had lost just lost your parents, and I knew how hard that was. I knew what you were going through, telling yourself that you could handle it, and that it was no big deal, but you were still a kid." Iruka fought to point out the fact that Kakashi himself was still a kid, and simply nodded, listening intently. "I took you in, hoping that we would finally form that bond that I had hoped for when I was a kid. I needed a friend after everything. After sensei and Obito, and…" Kakashi sighed. "I loved them I suppose, but I never told them that. I should have."

Kakashi paused, and when he showed no signs of resuming his point Iruka spoke softly, "They knew senpai." He offered quietly.

Kakashi nodded, and looked up as though just realizing that Iruka was there, and continued. "Obito was the first real friend I had, and he meant a lot to me, but he was gone, and I knew I needed to form a bond with someone or I wouldn't be able to handle the loss, the only person I could think to talk to was you, so I found you after the attack was over. You were in worse shape than I was though, and I distracted myself with you. Convinced myself that maybe losing everything would be worth it if I could at least show you how to deal with it, make sure you turned out okay." Kakashi smiled, "I suppose there was more between us than just shared loss, or maybe that shared loss strengthened our bond somehow, but I felt closer to you than I ever had to Obito, and when you finally broke down, I didn't really know what to do to comfort you, so I did the only thing I could think to do. I did what I had been wanting to do for days, and then I felt guilty about it. My leave was over, and I took the first available mission that would have me out of the country for an extended period of time, and I left. Hoping that by the time I got back you would have moved on, and figured things out for yourself, since I only seemed to confuse you more. And when I came home, I found out that you had passed the chuunin exam." Kakashi smiled fondly. "I left you alone after that, but I promised myself I would never let you deal with loss on your own. I'm not really sure what happened between then and now. Everything seems like such a useless serious of redundancies. There was no point to anything for a long time after that. I went back to being alone, and I got good at it, at being alone. Eventually I learned to make friends, mostly because of Gai and his insisting that we were rivals, and from there the other jounin just came to be acquaintances of mine as well I guess, and I developed a small circle of friends, none of them were that close to me though." Iruka nodded again in understanding, and realized seeing things from Kakashi's side was much different, very eye opening. Kakashi shrugged. "And then I got a genin team. The fact that you and Naruto were so close was an added bonus. It gave me a chance to get close to you again, make sure you were okay. Especially after the Mizuki incident. I wasn't really sure how to handle it since you had no real reason to talk to me about it. You had your own friends, and just… it felt very awkward to take up that role in your life again, when it seemed like you didn't need it anymore, but I had made a promise to myself."

Iruka noted right then that Kakashi had been rather distant while he spoke, as though he had run these events through his mind many times, and had figured out exactly how he felt about them. The jounin was usually awkward, and not really sure how to choose his words, so his sudden affinity for language could only be attributed to the jounin's thinking the events over prior to this discussion.

"What about now 'Kashi?" Iruka blushed, not really meaning to call the jounin by the impromptu nickname, but the older man didn't object so he ignored his own slip of the tongue.

"Now?" Kakashi looked up, and Iruka saw that Obito's eye had been crying, though Kakashi's own remained dry. It was a strange to see, but Iruka didn't visibly react to the site of it. "Now I've lost my genin team too. I guess I haven't really ever been good at anything." Kakashi shrugged. His voice cracking slightly and his own eye beginning to tear. "I was hoping I could do some good with them. I was hoping I could be to them what Minato-sensei was to me, but I guess I was foolish to think I could ever be anything like him." Kakashi looked at Iruka with an emotion so intense, that the chuunin had to look away, uncertain of what it was, but the site of it caused Iruka's stomach to knot and he had the urge to curl up into a ball and cry himself to sleep. "You were the only thing I ever did right, I guess". Kakashi said sadly, there was a hint of pride in his voice, but it was overwhelmed by a deep sorrow. "I failed them all. Obito, Minato-sensei, Naruto-kun, Sasuke-kun, even Sakura-chan. I failed all of them."

"No…no you didn't." Iruka whispered, but he wasn't even sure Kakashi had heard him.

Kakashi gave a pitiful chuckle. "No? Where are they now? Obito and Yondaime are dead. I did nothing to prevent it, they're gone. Yondaime's son is off training with a severely perverted individual because I couldn't handle the task myself. Sasuke-kun's defected. He's not even part of Konoha anymore, and Sakura-chan didn't even bother sticking around. Tsunade-sama will be better for her than I was anyway. But I was such a horrible teacher that they all felt the need to seek guidance elsewhere. Explain to me how that's not failing."

"They all left me for you." Iruka said quietly. "They all found it pertinent that they seek guidance in someone other than myself. They were proud to be rid of me, if I remember correctly."

"They graduated Iruka-kun. That's just a fact of life."

"Exactly. What happened with your team had nothing to do with your incapability. You taught them well, and they progressed quickly. You should be proud that they learned so much from you in such a short period of time. That they're seeking help elsewhere just means they've matured a bit more, that's nothing to be ashamed about. Sure, be sad they're gone. Miss them, but do not blame yourself for what happened it was inevitable. Even if Sasuke-kun found what he was looking for in one of the worst of places, that was something out of your control. You could have done nothing to change that boy's mind."

Kakashi didn't even bother pointing out the flaws in Iruka's comforting logic, he didn't have the energy to. He simply wrapped his arms around the chuunin, and buried his face in the smaller man's chest weeping silently while Iruka put a comforting hand on the jounin's back, rubbing small circles, and allowing the man to grieve the loss of everything really. Kakashi had a lot to mourn over, a lot to figure out, and Iruka sat offering silent support as the jounin wept for his lost teammates and loved ones. Twenty seven years worth of tears and grief that Kakashi had not allowed himself to deal with, and Iruka could do nothing but watch. Kakashi did not scream, or break things, or do anything Iruka would have expected while going through such a profound mourning process. He simply held Iruka to him as though the chuunin were his last lifeline and allowed his tears to fall freely down his face. He made no noise at all in fact, just cuddled closer as if folding in on himself and cried.

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A/N: The sexual tension… with a knife it could be cut! Ah! Sorry. I couldn't help but throw that in there, just seemed to drive the point home that they really weren't fooling anybody with how they felt about each other, but there will be time for that later. I think that much is pretty well established, and we have an emotional relationship to build now. I think we got off to a pretty good start as far as that goes though.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Don't own.

Warnings: Yaoi. KakaIru. Don't like, don't read. Simple. Probably a little AU.

A/N: Eek! I'm not even going to comment on why this is late… just… the universe hates me I guess… I'm just glad my schedule is finally under control again. Yay! Thanks to all my wonderful reviewers! You have no idea how inspirational the reviews are. They give me warm fuzzies, and get you guys chapters sooner. ^_^

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Twenty seven years worth of tears and grief that Kakashi had not allowed himself to deal with, and Iruka could do nothing but watch. Kakashi did not scream, or break things, or do anything Iruka would have expected while going through such a profound mourning process. He simply held Iruka to him as though the chuunin were his last lifeline and allowed his tears to fall freely down his face. He made no noise at all in fact, just cuddled closer as if folding in on himself and cried.

Iruka didn't even notice when Kakashi fell asleep, his mind was too preoccupied replaying the older man's words, dissecting them, and studying. His hand continued rubbing comforting circles on the jounin's back, and he had taken to kissing the silver haired man's head at irregular intervals without even noticing. When Iruka finally became aware of his surrounding once more, he noticed that the shaky sobs had ceased, and Kakashi's breathing was slow and even. The chuunin couldn't help but smile at how the older man was still cluthing onto his shirt and his face was buried in the tan man's chest. Iruka let out a long sigh and leaned his head back to rest against the couch, letting sleep take him as well.

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Iruka woke feeling well rested and content. It took him a good thirty seconds to realize Kakashi had moved from his place on the couch, and he could smell food. The chuunin cracked a curious eye open to see Kakashi sitting cross legged on the chair across from him, eating ramen. There was a bowl placed on the table in front of him as well.

"Morning sunshine." Kakashi teased, Iruka noted that the jounin's smile was the single most beautiful thing he had ever seen, though he wasn't sure if it was because the man simply had an incredibly stunning smile, or if it was just that seeing the man grin like that after such a breakdown was comforting somehow.

He found himself blushing at his own thoughts, and decided to occupy his mind with something else, at least until he had a bit of privacy to think things over. "What time is it?" he asked slowly, his voice still thick with sleep.

"About eleven." Kakashi answered, almost absentmindedly looking out the window as though trying to confirm his statement. Iruka nodded and leaned forward. "Nice nap."

Kakashi chuckled in agreement, but Iruka could sense a bit of nervousness and lingering sorrow there. Iruka had a lot of things he wanted to ask, and many thing he just wanted to say, to get off his chest, but it was late, and Kakashi had been through enough today, reliving his past and finally starting to cope with all the loss. The chuunin wanted to just get up and leave with a polite bow and perhaps a muttered comment about his having school in the morning, but couldn't bring himself to just abandon Kakashi like that.

He cleared his throat and stared at the floor. "I, uh, I have school tomorrow." He said almost cryptically.

Kakashi nodded. "It's late. You should eat something." He gestured toward the steaming bowl of ramen on the table before the brunette. "If you're too tired though, feel free to leave, I don't want to keep you." His voice was smooth, with a slightly bored edge.

Iruka nodded, unsure what to do, but he hadn't eaten since lunch time and the empty ache in his stomach made his decision for him. He grabbed up his bowl and ate slowly after thanking the older man. Kakashi simply waved it off, and went back to his own meal. The two ate in relative silence, making small comments every so often. That atmosphere was comfortable and relaxed, though there was a definite tension that both ignored. There were still so many unanswered questions, and neither wanted to begin answering them quite yet. Everything was still too new, and so much had already been shared.

Iruka finished his meal about half an hour later, setting his bowl back on the table and offering thanks once again. Kakashi, again dismissed the thank you, and stood to take their bowls to the kitchen, when he returned, Iruka was standing looking like he was ready to leave.

"Oi, I'll see you later then Iruka-kun." Kakashi said, his voice was smooth and strangely alluring, which caused a whole new wave a confusion to wash over the chuunin.

Iruka nodded. "Um, yes, I'll see you later…" He repeated heading to the door, and then realizing he was missing his vest. He turned blushing toward where Kakashi had been standing, but the man was no longer there. Kakashi emerged a moment later from the bedroom, carrying Iruka's flak jacket. "Uh, thanks."

Kakashi nodded, and handed the garment over. "Uh… would you, uh, mind if I stopped by your classroom tomorrow after school?" Kakashi had gone back to his stammering attempts at socializing with the teacher.

"I actually have work at the mission desk tomorrow." Kakashi nodded in understanding, and gave a small smile. As an afterthought, Iruka added, "My shift ends at seven if you'd like to meet me there." Kakashi gave an unreadable look, biting his lower lip slighting in contemplation. It was actually rather adorable, and Iruka found himself wanting to kiss those lips again.

Kakashi's answer interrupted the chuunin's thoughts, however. "Um, I had a few things I wanted to talk to you about… uh… preferably without crowds…" Kakashi blushed slightly and looked down at his own feet as though they held the answer to some ancient mystery.

"Meet me there, and we can go back to my place to talk. I owe dinner anyway." Iruka smiled warmly, and Kakashi gave a small grin in return.

"Sure, okay." And with that Iruka headed home to contemplate the night's events, and hopefully find some form of clarity. There was so much he had to think about. What had Kakashi meant by he was the only he had ever done right? And now that they were officially friends was anything going to change? Were they actually even friends? It certainly didn't feel like just friendship, but maybe he was just making more out of it than there was. Maybe his crush was making him see something that wasn't really there. Or maybe not, Kakashi had shared quite a bit with him earlier. Had he ever told those things to anyone else? Given the man's typical demeanor when sharing something so personal, it seemed as though the words had been awfully thought through, as though they had been spoken a thousand times before, but had they been spoken aloud?

Iruka opened the door to his apartment, and mentally groaned. Every time he told himself he was going to get answers to all these pressing questions, he ended up just coming back more confused, and usually didn't even find the answer he had been looking for, just more questions. He slipped off his shoes, and flak jacket unceremoniously, and dropped them on the floor. He was too tired, despite the long nap, to deal with those things right then. He pulled off his shirt, as he walked to the bedroom, dropping it on the floor on his way.

His weapon holsters and pouches clinked to the floor, and he collapsed on his bed with a deep sigh. He wanted to sit and think things over, wanted to know what exactly was going on, but everything was happening so quickly, and he had so many questions that only lead to other questions, and he'd only be able to get the answers from Kakashi himself. They were going to have a talk the next day, sort things out. He'd get his answers. He closed his eyes, and let himself drift slowly to sleep.

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Class the next day was uneventful, probably because his students were still a bit on edge from his mood the previous day, and though he was no longer in his terrible mood, he knew he'd be quick to anger, so it was in their best interest that they remain wary. It was a lecture day, and the practice in the academy training ground would start the next day. Gathering up his things, he headed to the mission room, hoping it would be a slow day.

Iruka entered the missions room, and couldn't help but grin. Anko seemed to be the only person there not working, and the woman practically lived in the place, so it was truly a relief to see the place so empty. Anko was leaning over the desk talking in hushed tones to Genma who was smirking like an idiot. Iruka mentally noted that he was probably just retelling the story of how he got Raidou. Iruka of course, wasn't completely sure if the two men had done anything after going home drunk together, but given the leers Genma had been giving all night, it seemed to be the only logical explanation. When Iruka approached Genma and Anko stopped talking, and looked at him, like they were waiting for him to spill some kind of new gossip that he knew.

"Uh… hi." He said rather awkwardly. How the hell would he know anything about the goings on around town? He'd been stuck in his own little soap opera for that last few days.

"So?" Anko asked, as if Iruka was supposed to know what the hell she was talking about.

"So, what?"

"What's he like?" Genma answered for her.

"What's who like?"

"Kakashi." The two said in unison, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Iruka stared at them both in confusion. "You know him too."

"What's he like in bed?" Anko clarified, sounding rather annoyed that she had to explain.

"I bet he's good." Genma said with a smirk. "Seems like he would be. He's got that kind of walk you know? Not to mention the control he has in battle, in my experience a ninja's skills in battle are a good way to estimate how they are in bed. Which makes Kakashi…" Genma let out a long high pitched whistle.

Iruka blushed a vibrant red, and stared directly down at his toes. "I have no way of knowing how Kakashi is in bed."

"Right." Anko's voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"I don't!" Iruka's fists clenched. This was not what he needed today. He was already on edge, and now he was embarrassed and frustrated.

"What room did you do it in? Kitchen? And in what positions? How many rounds? How long does he last anyway? I bet he lasts years. Were their toys? He probably has all kinds of interesting toys. Man reads porn in public, he's gotta know how to play."

"Genma. We did not do anything."

"Right. I'm sure you just spent a cozy night on his couch." Genma chuckled. "You can tell me you know. Or I could just get the details from the Scarecrow himself. He'd probably be able to give pornographic detail. Which… suddenly sounds more than a little appealing."

Iruka's anger became a physical presence in the room, threatening to choke Genma with his own testicles if he spoke another word. "We did nothing."

Genma shrugged and turned back to Anko, acting unaffected by the angry man beside him, though the twitchy senbon in his mouth gave away his nervousness. Iruka spent the next four hours of his life listening to all the ways a senbon could play an important role in sexual gratification, which were many… all of which Iruka wished he'd never heard. Anko interjected at several points, giving detailed accounts of why certain things did or did not work well in her experience. In such a case that it did not go so well, Genma was sure to explain where it had gone wrong, and how to correct the problem, adamantly suggesting she try again.

Seven o'clock came around rather slowly, and went by. Genma considered questioning Iruka's staying late when they were so empty, but the glare the chuunin sent him when he opened his mouth to ask told him it was better to just let it go. Kakashi showed up around six thirty. And before the man even made it into the room, Iruka had stood, and was on his way out.

"Yo." Kakashi greeted, in an all around 'hello' to the occupants of the room. Genma nodded with a content smirk, and Anko smiled like a giddy schoolgirl. Iruka glared back at them, taking the hand Kakashi had raised in his greeting and pulling the man out of the room.

"Come on. You don't even want to know what they're thinking."

Kakashi looked back over his shoulder assessing Genma's smile, and decided, he did in fact want to know exactly what the blonde was thinking. It seemed like exactly the kind of thing he wanted to know, but he didn't press the issue. He simply let himself be led away by the obviously flustered chuunin. The man was undeniably sexy when he was flustered. Kakashi smiled rather happily to himself.

"Yeah. I'm sure there's nothing between them." Genma commented when the two men were out of earshot.

"Oh, definitely not." Anko agreed with a roll of her eyes. "They're more obvious than Asuma and Kurenai." Genma chuckled at that, and their conversation drifted into more perverse things, involving the not so secret affair between Asuma and Kurenai.

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A/N: Hm. Not my best, but I hope you all enjoy anyway. Sorry it's a bit short, but the next chapter is already half way done. That just seemed like a good place to stop.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Don't own.

Warnings: Yaoi. KakaIru. Don't like, don't read. Simple. Probably a little AU.

A/N: Yay! It's on time! A day later than I intended, but still on time! This is cause for celebration! Finally, I'm back and updating at a more appropriate speed! Anyway, enjoy the chapter.

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Iruka went about stirring, and mixing things as appropriate while Kakashi sat leisurely at the kitchen table smirking, with his masked pulled down, watching how the chuunin moved. It was really quite the spectacle, and Kakashi was sincerely enjoying the calm small talk that had been missing over the past few days.

"So, what was it that Genma-san was smiling like that about?" Kakashi asked, in a voice that said he didn't care, but Iruka knew better. The man had been waiting for the opportunity to ask that question since he'd been dragged out of the mission room.

"You really don't want to know, I told you." Iruka sincerely did not want to tell Kakashi what people were thinking. It would certainly scare the man off. Their relationship was under enough stress without the entire village waiting to find out exactly how Kakashi was in bed, what he looked like, and everything Kakashi kept private. If anyone found out that Iruka was privy to that information, he would surely be interrogated mercilessly by everyone he came into contact with, and Kakashi didn't need the added stress of worrying about Iruka telling his deepest darkest secrets.

"Sure I do." The jounin encouraged. "It looked… quite interesting. What were you two talking about?"

"Well he spent the day explaining to Anko-san the proper way to use a senbon… in a rather unorthodox setting."

Kakashi hummed his approval. "He's right. They're… useful…" He smirked to himself, and Iruka actually cringed.

"It sounded painful."

"I agree it sounds painful, and it's the kind of thing you have to get used to, you also need very steady hands and impeccable control, but—"

"No!" the brunette spun around pointing a spoon at the silver haired man. "No. I do not want to hear this again. I'm going to have nightmares."

Kakashi just let out a low chuckle. "Maybe you shouldn't try to change the subject then."

Iruka blushed, having thought he had succeeded in distracting the older man without being noticed. "Really, you don't want to know." Iruka insisted.

"Well, was it anything like the rumors flying around town about all the impressive things you and I do in bed?" Kakashi raised a questioning eyebrow.

"You heard about that?" Iruka blushed, and his mouth hung open in shock.

Kakashi let out a chuckle. "I think even a deaf man 200 miles from here even heard it."

Iruka felt his face heat up as he blushed a deep red color. Great. Kakashi knew, and now it was out in the open, and they hadn't even discussed it yet. "Oh… um… I'm sorry. I mean, sorry you had to hear about it. You know this town and its rumors." He forced a nervous chuckle that sounded more like a cough, and scratched the back of his head sheepishly.

Kakashi nodded, watching him intently. It was obvious the topic made the younger man uncomfortable, and Kakashi had been hoping to use the rumors as a way of telling Iruka that his feelings went deeper than friendship. Now though, seeing how the prospect clearly didn't sit well the brunette, he figured it was best to keep that much to himself. Friends was enough right? He could be friends. That was something at least. He'd still get to be close to the man, even if it hurt a little to be so close and yet… Kakashi sighed. He wasn't going to go there. Friends was enough. He'd settle for friends, Iruka was worth however much it was going to hurt to always have that distance. Iruka was worth it.

The jounin shrugged noncommittally, his mood changing just slightly. "It'll blow over, it always does. No need to dwell on it." He could be close to Iruka, he could handle the pain that went with being close to him without the closeness he had hoped for, but he could not handle the thought of talking about what might have been. That was too much, and he needed a subject change. "Maa, but I wanted to talk to you." He drawled out, hoping his nervous edge didn't affect his tone.

"Oh, yeah, sure." Iruka nodded, urging the older man to continue. _So, he obviously doesn't want to talk about the prospect of a relationship with me… at least not a relationship on the level I had been hoping for. _Iruka gave a bright smile, trying to put on an air of amiability while he sorted through his own thoughts. He had so many things he had wanted to ask, and somehow most of them seemed to cycle around what kind of relationship they were getting themselves into, but now the topic seemed so touchy, and he wasn't sure how much he could ask before he crossed a line. Carefully thinking through the questions he had been hoping to ask, he realized one would be the most revealing. He'd just ask the one, and just casually. Maybe he'd find his answer, maybe not, but he didn't think he could stand not knowing what was going on for another day.

"Well, I really just wanted to apologize for the way I… The way I behaved last night. I shouldn't have dumped that on you, it's not your problem. Those were my mistakes, my burdens to bear, and I'm sorry I put you through that."

"Kakashi, no. We're… we're friends. That's what I'm here for, to help you with all that, like you helped me, you can't honestly think that's something to apologize for." Iruka gave him an incredulous look.

Kakashi just shrugged. He couldn't very well say that he had happily taken on Iruka's burden because Iruka was the one thing he really cared about anymore. He couldn't just say something like that, not after realizing how Iruka felt about him… or didn't feel. He couldn't just explain why it was different for him. So he shrugged, and gave Iruka a bored look. He had nothing more to say about the subject.

"Kakashi-senpai…" Kakashi almost cringed at the name. That's not who he was anymore. That was who he was, when he had the absurd notion that maybe Iruka could see him for who he was and love him anyway. That was who he was back when he still had hope that one day he'd find happiness, and it wouldn't be ripped away from him. That was back when Iruka was the only thing he had to hope for anymore, and now he'd lost that too. He'd lost everything, and the weight of it seemed to hit him square in the chest when Iruka called him that name. "You can tell me anything, okay? Don't apologize for last night. That was good. That you shared. You should be able to share things like that with me."

"Okay." Kakashi said simply, his tone was more than bored. He sounded half asleep, as though he'd dozed off as Iruka spoke, and he was just responding on impulse. Normally, he wouldn't have taken such a tone with the chuunin, but he had to find a way to change the subject. He had nothing more to say about this.

Iruka was obviously not at all pleased with the way this was going. "What is wrong with you all of a sudden? You were fine just a few minutes ago, and now suddenly it's like you don't want to be near me at all."

Again, a question he could not answer. Of course he wanted to be close to Iruka. He wanted to be closer that the chuunin would allow, and because of that, he had to keep his distance. He couldn't tell him that he suddenly realized that the man he'd be practically in love with for the last ten years didn't want him, and now he had to put up a barrier between them, to keep him close, make sure he was safe, and well taken care of, but he had to stay far enough away to avoid getting hurt any further. He couldn't very well say that, now could he? So he just shrugged and looked at Iruka with a bored stare. He was done with this conversation.

"What are you just not going to answer me anymore?!" Iruka was starting to get angry, and rather quickly. This was not how he had wanted this conversation to go.

"Ask a question I can actually answer, and I'll answer you." Kakashi shrugged again. Sure it hurt to see that he was doing this to Iruka, but he could handle this hurt. He wouldn't have been able to cope if he had answered those questions, and Iruka had reacted to them the way he knew the chuunin would react.

"Okay, answer me this. Why the hell does your tongue seem to find its way down my throat nearly every time we see each other anymore?!" Well, so much for casual, but he was angry, and Kakashi probably wasn't going to answer anyway.

"Why do you kiss me back?" Kakashi's tone remained bored, as though he was completely unaffected by Iruka's obvious anger.

"Because I love you!" Iruka shouted. As soon as the words were out of his mouth he wished he could take them back. Somehow prevent Kakashi from hearing them. He had not meant to say that, but he was so angry he hadn't even thought about it. And now Kakashi knew, and the whole charade was over. They could never be friends, and now they'd probably never even speak again. Great. That was just fantastic.

Kakashi's visible eye widened as the words hit him. Love? Him? So many emotions ran through him at that moment he didn't know what to do with himself. He wanted to run away, disappear, and not come back for weeks, maybe months. Just hide out, and let the whole thing pass because obviously he hadn't heard Iruka say that. He wanted to kiss the chuunin until they were both breathless, and tell him that he loved him too. He wanted to just hold him and not let go. He wanted to know that it was true, and that he hadn't lost everything, and that he still had hope. He wanted to collapse on the floor and cry, for no reason other than he couldn't figure out what else to do. He wanted to cry for hurting the man, he wanted to cry out of pure joy that Iruka could feel that way about him, he wanted to cry just so he would have some kind of release for everything building up inside him, that he didn't know how to handle right then. He wanted to ask the chuunin to say it again. He needed to hear it again to be sure, but he couldn't bring himself to do any of those things. So he just stood there.

Iruka stood frozen. He'd said it out loud, and now Kakashi knew. Now Kakashi would never speak to him again. That was the end. He'd ruined everything thanks to his temper. He'd been so angry just a moment ago, but now he was just terrified of how the jounin would react. He tried to figure out what he could say to change what had just happened, but there was nothing. It was out there, and there was no way to take it back. He felt his stomach turning in knots, trying to tear itself apart out of nervousness and anticipation. Maybe Kakashi would understand, and it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe the jounin would just laugh, and think he was joking, and they'd put the whole thing behind them. Somehow Iruka doubted it. If the look on Kakashi's face was anything to go by, he what he had said was going to change what was between them, Iruka just wasn't sure how. A small part of him still hoped that maybe Kakashi felt the same way, maybe it had been good to say it out loud like that.

"Kakashi-senpai… I… I didn't mean to…" He had no idea how to finish that thought, so he just let it hang there unfinished.

"I… uh… I… uh… I have to… uh…" And with that Kakashi disappeared. Leaving Iruka alone in his kitchen with their meal burning behind him.

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A/N: Hm… That was unexpected. I didn't really plan on that going that way. Hope you all aren't too upset with how that went. I was expecting warm fuzzies and kisses and fluff. But… uh… I actually rather like it the way it is, even if it was completely unexpected. Hope you all enjoyed it!


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Don't own.

Warnings: Yaoi. KakaIru. Don't like, don't read. Simple. Probably a little AU.

A/N: Well, I hope this is soon enough for you guys. I'd hate to keep you all waiting when the last chapter ended in such a tense spot. Again, I must thank all of my reviewers. All of you. You're truly fantastic, you're input is amazing, whether you just commented on Kakashi's stupidity or gave me encouragement, it was all very much appreciated. Thanks.

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"Kakashi-senpai… I… I didn't mean to…" He had no idea how to finish that thought, so he just let it hang there unfinished.

"I… uh… I… uh… I have to… uh…" And with that Kakashi disappeared. Leaving Iruka alone in his kitchen with their meal burning behind him.

The chuunin mindlessly dumped the ruined food in the trash can, and went to sit down on his couch. What had he done? He'd ruined everything, and that small part of him that had been hoping that maybe the jounin felt the same way about him had died, and he was left with a feeling of emptiness and uncertainty. The man who had always been there for him, helped him through all the hard times he had faced had left, and he was not coming back. He's ruined one of the only good things he had left. He'd destroyed the friendship, however tentative it was, that had meant more to him than almost any bond he had shared with even his closest friends. What he had with Kakashi was different, and more meaningful than anything had ever experienced before. And he had ruined that in one angry moment, he had destroyed what he held so dear to him.

Iruka couldn't bring himself to cry. He knew that if he started he would not be able to stop, and this time Kakashi would not be there to make sure he made it through. He curled up on his couch his body shivering, despite not being cold, and he closed his eyes. He tried to forget the whole thing, forget that he had been close to Kakashi at all. He tried to find peace in his solitude, but only found despair and loneliness. He was more alone right then than he had been in his entire life. When his parents had died, Kakashi was there. When he lost Mizuki, Kakashi was there. When he'd lost not only Sasuke but Naruto as well, Kakashi had been there. And now he had lost Kakashi, and it was his own fault. Now he was truly alone for the first time in his life, and it was terrifying.

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Kakashi's fingers gently traced the markings on the stone before him. He didn't speak aloud; it wasn't necessary. Those he came to seek guidance from knew why he was there, without him having to say it out loud. He let out a deep sigh. He probably wouldn't have been able to say it anyway. Iruka had said the one thing he had wanted to hear more than anything, and his reaction had been to run away. He was frustrated with himself for his inability to accept the one thing he had wanted so desperately. The prospect of actually obtaining what he had been searching for, for such a very long time was beyond frightening. And now he was here with Obito, Minato, and everyone who had tried. Everyone he had failed. It was all too much, and he had no idea what to do. He needed help.

The stone sat silently offering nothing but the prospect of familiarity. The idea that he would go on the way he had always gone on just like the memorial stone would always be there just as it was. More names would be added, perhaps his own one day, but the stone would remain the way it was, what it was, forever. His fingers traced the letters idly, his thoughts elsewhere. He couldn't stay here, he needed to do something with himself. He needed to be thinking about something else. This all hurt too much, and he couldn't handle it, so he wouldn't. He would just not handle it. Making a decision he turned toward the Hokage Tower and walked slowly, as if his legs were made of lead and did not want him to go, but he had to. He had to do something other than just sit and think about how much it hurt, how much he wished he could find the courage to go back and tell the chuunin how he felt, even if it meant rejection. Surely rejection would only confirm what he felt now, but he couldn't allow himself to hope for anything other than rejection. He knew that if he hoped and was refused it would be the end of him. He couldn't put what little he had left and give it to Iruka when there was such an obvious chance of the chuunin denying him.

His feet walked on their own, while his thoughts remained focused on Iruka. He didn't want to be thinking about the brunette anymore. Something inside of him was tensing, threatening to break at even the smallest disturbance. He strolled into the Hokage's office staring down at his feet without really realizing. He wasn't thinking about where he was or what he was doing. He was thinking about Iruka and how much he needed the man, but couldn't tell him.

"Can I help you with something, brat?" Tsunade asked in a rather annoyed voice. She had a mountain of paper work on her desk, and Shizune had yet again taken her sake away. She was more than a little on edge. Her voice almost snapped Kakashi out of his own thoughts, but he had already made his decision, and the words came forth without his even thinking about them. His mind was still on the chuunin.

"I would like to be reinstated into ANBU Black Ops." The words were distant and decisive.

Tsunade raised an eyebrow, finally giving the jounin a good look. The man looked positively defeated. "Reinstatement requires a psych evaluation." Her tone gave the impression that she expected to have changed the man's mind.

"Then call Ibiki-san." His voice remained distant, almost mechanical. This was what he needed. A distraction. ANBU missions were harsh and frequent. He'd hardly have time to breathe between tasks let alone think about how much this all hurt. Mission mode was good, emotions were forgotten, and he was left a tool, a machine expertly designed for killing. He could do that. Killing sounded good right then.

"Hatake-brat, sit down." Kakashi did as instructed. "What's wrong with you. There's no way you'd pass a psych evaluation right now. In fact, if I were to have you take one, I'd bet good money on you being banned from missions at all for at least three months." Kakashi kept the comment about how her betting on it would inevitably be mean that the opposite would happen to himself. "You look like shit."

Kakashi looked up at her finally. There was a long moment in which he didn't say anything. Tsunade noted silently that there was a wet stream coming from under his hitai-ate, staining his mask with moisture. "Nothing is wrong. I wish to be reinstated. As soon as possible. Are there any missions available at the moment?"

"None that I'm willing to send you on, while you're in the condition. Care to tell me why you're crying?" Her voice was strong, and she wasn't really asking, she was telling him that he was crying and hadn't noticed. He ignored that.

"I'm not." He said simply. His tone remained distant and bored. He didn't feel anything. He was not hurting anymore. He refused to. He was fine. Tools don't have emotions.

"Care to take off you hitai-ate and prove it?" Her voice was gentle now, almost worried, while before it had been concerned and mildly amused. She was starting to get the impression that this was more serious than she had expected.

"I'm not crying. Obito is crying." Obito was the one with emotions. Not him. He felt nothing. It didn't hurt.

Tsunade leaned back in her chair and studied him closely for a long moment. "Look, I don't know what's wrong with you, or why you seem to be so willing to run away from it, but I'm not sending you on anymore missions until you get it taken care of. Which means you will have to pass a psych evaluation with Ibiki-san. You are one of our strongest; I can't afford to lose you over something you don't want to deal with. You're taking a mandatory leave of at least a week. If you feel ready after that, let me know, but you are not to leave the village until you pass the psych evaluation are we clear?"

Kakashi was angry now. He told himself he wasn't, that he felt nothing, but he knew he had lost. He didn't even have the energy to argue. He just nodded, stood, and walked out slowly. Why did it have to hurt so much?

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Iruka had class in the morning. For the first time in all of his years as a teacher he was late. He had woken up curled on the couch, and his eyes were wet from the tears he had cried in his sleep. He barely had the energy to get up and get ready. Walking to class seemed to take hours, and when he got there, the room was in disarray. He had been late, and the children were running amuck, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He just wanted to get this all over with, so he could go home and curl back up, and forget himself again. He didn't even bother yelling, he didn't have the energy to. He just apologized for being late politely asked his students to return to their seats so class could begin. The kids had been frightened of the beloved sensei for the past few days, but now they were just flat out worried. The crept to their seats and sat quietly, for most part. Every once in awhile Iruka would hear the sound of voices whispering, probably wondering what the hell was wrong with him. He didn't bother yelling at them to pay attention. It would have been too much effort.

The day seemed to last forever. Hours felt like days, and by the time school was over, Iruka felt as if he had lost a decade of his life. He collapsed onto his chair, his elbows on his desks, and his face in his hands. He was not crying, not yet. He had to get home first. Home where it was safe to completely lose himself, and just cry until he was void of anything. He moved slowly, putting papers into their proper folders and folders into his bag. The whole event should have only taken seconds, but it ended up taking what felt like at least an hour. He stood slowly trying to find the energy to walk home, when he noticed something. He desperately wanted to be wrong, he hoped to be wrong, he couldn't handle this right now. He turned slowly to face the window, only to see Kakashi perched there, looking just about as tired and defeated as he felt.

"What do you want?" Iruka ended up sounding exhausted and beat rather than angry like he had intended, but he couldn't find the energy to care. He just wanted to go home and enter into a coma. Maybe he'd never wake up, that'd be nice.

"Iruka... I… I'm sorry…" Kakashi's voice cracked slightly, but he ignored it. "I didn't mean to… I'm sorry if I hurt you, but it was… I don't know." He couldn't find the words he was looking for, so he decided to just be honest, and tell the man how he felt. Surely rejection couldn't feel any worse than this. Surely nothing was worse than what he was already feeling. "I love you too, and I'm sorry I left, I just didn't know what else to do, but this hurts so much. The thought of losing you hurts so much… and I can't…" He took a deep breath, feeling his chest constrict as he spoke the words aloud. "Everything hurts, and I just…" _I need you…_ He finished in his head. He couldn't bring himself to speak anymore. He had stayed up all night thinking about how to make the pain subside, and this was what he kept coming back to. He had to tell Iruka. He had to make it better, and now he'd finally told the man everything he'd been so afraid to say for such a long time.

The chuunin froze. He had no idea what to do, just last night the man had run away terrified of the prospect that Iruka felt that way about him, and now Kakashi was standing in his classroom telling him that he felt the same way. It was all too confusing, but couldn't ignore the pure joy he felt at having heard Kakashi say it. He didn't have the energy to consider where the sudden change had come from, he'd deal with that later, right now he just wanted to know that it was true. He just wanted the loneliness go away. He took a small step toward the jounin. "A-are you serious?" He asked slowly.

Kakashi nodded, still unable to find his voice. He closed the distance between them in two long strides. There was an awkward moment where they just stood there unsure what else to do before Iruka reached up, and grabbed the jounin's mask, pulling it down slowly.

"I swear to kami-sama if you are lying to me…" Iruka's voice was soft, and uncertain. Kakashi silenced him, gently placing a finger on the chuunin's lips.

"Shh. I'm not lying." He whispered, wrapping his arms around the younger man. Iruka buried his face in the jounin's chest and sighed heavily. He didn't care about all the unanswered questions, he didn't care about what had happened between them. Kakashi was there now, and he wasn't alone. He was loved.

* * *

A/N: One of these days I'm going to write a fic that's not so friggin' angsty… Anyway, I think this shall be over soon, ne? One more chapter?


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Sorry about the wait. I had my computer sent in, turns out my hard drive has pooped out, so I've lost everything. I had to type this all up again, along with all the work I had for my sequel to Good Clean Fun. I'm not sure this turned out as well as the original, and it was a little rushed, but I've left you all hanging forever, and I'm sorry. I'll get back to updating properly once my computer has finished being fixed. I've got a lot of that sequel rewritten, but I'm postponing my posting it until I know I'll be able to get this stuff up in a timely fashion. Thank you all so much for reading this, and reviewing. You've all been so great through all this.

Eventually, after much coaxing they made their way back to Iruka's apartment. Kakashi nearly collapsed from sheer exhaustion upon arrival. Iruka just barely managed to guide the jounin to the couch before the older man passed out, completely drained. Iruka took off the older man's hentai-ate and vest before sitting on the arm of the sofa gently rubbing the pale man's back in a soothing manner. When he was sure Kakashi was in a deep sleep, he stood, moving to the kitchen to cook while the jounin got some much needed rest.

Iruka cooked a simple stir fry, not trusting himself to actually pay attention for a more complicated dish. He was tired sure, but Kakashi looked as though he hadn't taken a break for a single moment in all his life and the weight of his burden has suddenly become too much, and his façade had slipped. It was then that the chuunin realized how completely stupid he had been. He had missed what had been so obviously hidden. Of course Kakashi was exhausted, that _had_ been the first break he had ever allowed himself, and it was something the silver haired shinobi had done everything in his power to avoid.

Iruka thought back to all the times he had seen Kakashi interact with other people. The man was distant and emotionless. His smiles were fake, forced, and he was cold. Thinking back to the interactions he had with Kakashi himself, IRuka realized that the jounin typically acted the same, soulless. When they were younger Kakashi had been hard and distant, but there was still that spark of emotion that he had fought to bury. But as they got older, Kakashi got better at hiding his emotions, until it seemed as though the older man had none at all. It was only recently that the jounin had begun to show any signs of emotion again, and only when they were alone. When Kakashi saw him as Iruka-kun and not Iruka-sensei, only when Kakashi saw him for who he was, everything he was and not just what he watned people to believe he had become. He could be himself with Kakashi because the older man saw him for who he was anyway. It was a rather nice feeling.

Iruka had seen Kakashi's face, but it wasn't until that day that he chuunin had been allowed to see Kakashi without his mask on. The man was always acting, never had a chance to relax. He was too busy keeping up his bored façade, reading porn in public and generally making sure that not even one single person had really gotten to know him. Not the real him, just some vague image Kakashi had invented. The battle hardened shinobi, bored and emotionless. Kakashi had even gone so far as to give his made up image an underlying personality. Beneath all the bored tones and fake smiles, Kakashi had gone through great lengths to appear as though he was just hiding something. His face, his past, and Iruka had readily accepted that, but he was wrong. Just like everyone else had accepted them as secrets the great Copy-Nin had wanted to stay hidden, Iruka had accepted them. He had even been proud to know Kakashi had shared those most precious secrets with him.

Kakashi was hiding something else entirely. Kakshi was hiding who he was. Almost everything the village knew about him had been completely fabricated. Kakashi the ninja was bored, lazy, perverted, quick to smile, and extremely mysterious. Kakashi the person, Iruka had only met briefly, but he was damaged, deeply sad, frightened, almost needy, and loving. Kakshi had been so sincere back at the academy, that lone blue eye had been so full of emotion, the chuunin found himself wondering how a single eye could portray so much. Above all else, however, Kakashi was exhausted.

The jounin had let his guard down, just slightly, and then the whole charade had fallen apart. The burden had become too heavy and Kakashi was just too tired to pull the mask back into place. Everything had crumbled and broken and Iruka had been there to see it. With a sigh he turned off the stove and moved into the living room to check on Kakashi; the jounin was still sleeping peacefully on the couch, snuggling closer into the fabric for warmth. The chuunin couldn't help the smile that spread across his face at the sight. He moved to the linen closet and pulled out a spare blanket, deciding that Kakashi could eat later, after he'd rested. He went to the couch, carefully draping the blanket over the sleeping man. After looking down at the jounin for a moment longer, he turned to walk away, but a voice stopped him before he took his first step.

"Ruka?" Kakashi's voice was thick with sleep.

"Hm?" the tan man asked quietly in response.

Kakashi made a content noise, a mix between a hum and a sigh. "Just… you're there. That's good." Kakashi's breathing indicated that he was sleeping again almost before he'd finished speaking and Iruka was left wondering if the jounin had been awake at all.

Kakashi woke after a few hours, hearing him begin to stir, Iruka took a break from grading his papers to go warm up some food for his guest. When he returned to the living room, Kakashi was still cuddled up in the blanket lying down, but obviously awake.

"Kakashi-senpai?" the chuunin whispered carefully.

"Hn?" Kakashi began to sit up, stretching lazily, obviously a bit more relaxed after having rested.

"Food." He set the plate of food on the coffee table. "I'll go make you some tea." Kakashi looked up at him for a moment, and Iruka saw the blue eye harden slightly, the sincerity from before pushed back as the mask slid back into place. This was the Copy-Nin. Kakashi the shinobie, the tool. The person had been forgotten. And then Kakashi turned to look at the plate of stir fry and steamed rice. Iruka acted without thinking, grabbing Kakashi's chin and turning the older man's face to look at him. There was no emotion in the lone blue-grey eye. It was empty.

"Kakashi-senpai."

A flicker of emotion, but it faded just as quickly as it had appeared. "Hn?" An eyebrow raised to punctuate the question.

"Don't…" Iruka replied vaguely.

An inquisitive tilt of the head was Kakashi's confused reaction, but not even confusion shone through the eye that watched him, almost cautiously. It was empty.

"Don't do that. Pretend. Not with me." The chuunin's voice was quiet and careful, but there was no change. "This isn't duty. You're not on a mission; I don't want you to hide yourself from me. I love you." Iruka felt his face heat up in a blush and his heart begin to race.

There was something like uncertainty on the jounin's face for a moment, and then consideration, his eye remained void of emotion, however. After what seemed like an eternity there was hesitation, and then Kakashi visibly relaxed. There was a spark of emotion in the blue eye, but this time it did not fade. Iruka'd heart skipped a beat, recognizing the look as the one he'd periodically seen the few times he'd broken past the barrier. It was the emotion that had flickered through the jounin's eye all those times just before their lips met.

Kakashi, hoever, made no move to kiss Iruka, simply smiled and reached a hand up to cup a tan cheek. This man had crawled his way into the jounin's heart and kakashi had been glad for it, but repercussions had been unexpected. The tan man had somehow made it impossibly hard to keep up his act. The chuunin had stolen glimpses of his true self, and at first it had been easy to slide the mask back into place, but lately it had been getting more difficult, and now Iruka was asking for him to leave the mask off. The prospect was terrifying, but for Iruka he would do it. Iruka was more than worth it.

"I love you too." Kakashi's words were hushed, but raw with emotion; he was completely sincere and willing to be vulnerable, willing to let Iruka know everything.

Iruka felt himself blush, leaning forward to place a kiss on Kakahsi's left cheek, just below the scar. Kakashi shivered slightly, letting his thumb gently rub the scarred cheek before placing his own kiss on the chuunin's forehead.

"Right, um, you eat." Iruka gestured twoward the food on the table. "I'll go make us some tea." Kakashi nodded, obviously amused, and Iruka scurried off to the kitchen to prepare the tea. The jounin ate slowly, vaguely appreciating how good the food was. His mind was elsewhere, realizing he enjoyed this. Finally relaxing, and allowing himself to experience emotions. There was a definite pain in doing so, a pain he had only just begun to deal with only a few nights ago in Iruka's arms. Some of those wounds were old: the deaths of his teammates, his sensei. He had ignored those for far too long, and they had begun to heal wrong, the way an ignored flesh wound might. Kakashi realized that they would probably always hurt. He had begun to deal with them properly, but they had festered for too long; they would always be a sore spot, but it wouldn't be so bad. Just the thought of Iruka made the pain bearable. In time those wounds would only hurt when prodded, and he'd have Iruka to thank.

There were also those wounds that were still fresh and stinging in the back of his mind as a reminder of his failures: Team 7. Kakashi had confidence that eventually those wounds would heal and he would he would be left with a scar, both a reminder of his failures and they pain they brought, but the pain would be gone, at least mostly. Just a dull throb serving as a reminder of his loss.

Iruka was good for him, certainly. The man kept him grounded, gave him a reason to look forward rather than back, and somehow the chuunin even made those past memories hurt less, but what did he do for Iruka? He suddenly felt the urge to bolt again. Iruka deserved better. The memory of the anguish that a life without the chuunin brought, however, kept him frozen in place. _I'm just being selfish now. I should go. I should let Iruka be happy. I just want him to be happy… _Surely there was something he had to offer the man. Before he could contemplate it any further, the brunette entered the room with a tray of tea, smiling happily, as though he had read Kakashi's thoughts.

Iruka set the tea tray down on the coffee table, and took a seat on the couch beside Kakashi. There was a quiet moment in which Iruka simply watched Kakashi expectantly. Kakashi began to fidget nervously, unsure what to do with himself.

"Is the food bad? You don't have to eat it if you don't like it." The chuunin gave a cheerful smile.

It was then that Kakashi noticed that he had stopped eating, lost in his own head. "Uh… no, no. It's good. I was just thinking."

"Thinking what?" Iruka's tone spoke of casual curiousity, but his expression told of his concern.

"Nothing important." Kakashi started to brush off the topic, but decided that it was better to get it over with sooner rather than later. "Just… uh… what is this?"

Iruka looked confused and blushed an adorable shade of pink. "Well, it was supposed to be stir fry, but it you don't like it…"

Kakashi managed to chuckle at that. "I know what stir fry is." He playfully raised an eyebrow and Iukra blushed a shade deeper. The jounin's mood suddenly became serious, and he leaned forward, lowering his voice. "I meant us. What is this, between us?"

"Oh." Iruka looked away, unsure what to say. "I'm… what do you want it to be?" Iruka looked up blushing hotly and searching the older man's eye for something. Kakashi fought the urge to retreat behind his steely persona, hide himself and his vulnerability.

"Iruka-kun, I…" he took a deep breath, realizing exactly how hard this was going to be, he allowed himself to feel the nervousness, allowed Iruka to see it. "I'm not sure what this is, or what I have… uh… to… uh… to offer you, but I know what I want it to be… if you want to… uh… if you're willing to… uh… commit." Kakashi found himself feeling a bit light headed by the time he had finished. He was blushing and his nervousness was only building as he waited for a response. He was sure that Iruka would change his mind about them. He had brought up the point that he was sure the chuunin had overlooked: he had nothing to offer the younger man.

"What do you mean, you have nothing to offer me?" The workders were slow and spoken with a deep concern.

Kakashi sighed slowly, letting his eyes slide shut for a moment. Saying of this out loud was more difficult that he had anticipated. "Just… uh… When I'm with you… everything hurts less. You make things hurt less, you let me be happy, give me a reason to hope." Kakashi paused, considering his words carefully before he continued. "You make me happy. I try not to feel things, but you make all of the pain worth it." Kakashi's expressions betrayed his frustration at not being able to properly express himself. "You just make it all worth it somehow, more than worth it. But you're already happy… so what do I do for you?" The jounin's expression became one of disappointment. "I can't think of anything."

Iruka shook his head sadly, caressing the older man's cheek in a soothing fashion, much like Kakashi had done earlier with his thumb. "You can't be serious." His voice was incredulous. "You were the reason I was able to make it through the deaths of my parents. The reason losing Mizuki didn't destry me. You're the reason I'm happy. How could you think that you have nothing to offer?"

Kakashi shrugged, his mind replaying the words he'd heard the chuunin speak. Of course he'd been there for Iruka during all of those hard times. He'd done is best to make sure that Iruka had gotten through it all, and came out happy and healthy on the other side, but he hadn't really ever considered that it was because of his watching of the chuunin that Iruka was able to be happy. He just figured Iruka was a naturally happy person. Happiness suited the young man in a way the sorrow and depression Kakashi carried around with him never could have. Kakashi had just done what he could to make sure that Iruka wouldn't turn out emotionally dead, like Kakashi himself, had.

"I didn't really do anything, though." He said rather blandly.

"Or course you did." Iruka all but shouted. "You were there, and you listened, and you cared. You made sure I was alright." He managed to smile. "You were the only thing I had."

Kakashi felt his heart skip a beat at that. Iruka had felt the same way? That brought him back to his original question. "So… uh… what is this then?"

Iruka smiled. I'd like it to be everything. I'd like to be yourse and I'd like for you to be mine, but I'd accept whatever you're comfortable with."

Kakashi nodded. "I'd like to be yours." He blushed a deep red and Iruka smiled happily. Somehow hearing Kakashi say that had meant more than he had realized it would. Kakashi leaned forward to kiss Iruka's forehead. This really was nice.

---

The next day was slow for Iruka. He just wanted to make it home to Kakashi, but the school day seemed to drag on, and he was dreading his shift in the mission room. The students seemed to be better behaved than usual, despite Iruka's obviously cheerful mood. He was anxious to leave, but overall he couldn't help, but feel happy about the night before. His students still seemed on edge after his behavior over the past few days. At least it made his job easier, though he couldn't help, but feel bad that he had them all so shaken. To make it up to them, he decided to postpone the scheduled quiz, and not give any homework, effectively ending their day half an hour early. Some of the kids dared to cheer in excitement, and when Iruka simply chuckled, rather than scolding them for such an outburst, the resto f the class joined in, happily scurrying out of the room.

Surprisingly, Konohamaru was the last to leave, lingering near his seat while his two best friends patiently waited just outside the door. The young boy approached Iruka's desk cautiously, looking vaguely nervous.

"Konohamaru-kun, is there something I can help you with?" he smiled brightly at the young boy, and Konohamaru seemed to gain confidence.

"Uh, well, the Boss wouldn't want you looking so sad. Like you were yesterday. We were all pretty worried about you." Iruka couldn't help the warm feeling that spread over him at hearing that his students cared so much. "So, uh, we all signed this for you, but it doesn't look like you'll need it much anymore." Konohamaru held out a home-made card with a smiley face on it that read "Feel Better, Ne?" There were several smaller designs drawn on the front of the card, all in different styles. Iruka could tell that most of his students had contributed to the creation.

"Thank you, very much." The chuunin took the card gratefully, ruffling Konohamaru's hair, much like he had done to Naruto when the blonde was around. The young boy protested weakly, and made his way to the door to meet his friends when Iruka finally relented.

"No problem Iruka-sensei. Just… stay happy." And with that the boy ran out of the room to enjoy his early dismissal.

Iruka leaned back in his chair and opened the card, reading through the small notes a few of his students made. Most of them telling him to feel better or asking for less homework. Konohamaru had asked to be take for ramen every now and then, but only because Naruto wasn't around to keep Iruka company and the chuunin must be lonely. It was quite touching to know his students cared so much.

The rest of the day went by a bit more quickly, but he was still anxious to get home, and Genma certainly wasn't helping matters.

"Oi, Iruka-sensei, how's Kakashi-san?" There was a leer on the blonde's face and Anko was standing in the back of the room, pretending not to listen.

"I don't know; I assume he's doing just fine."

"He was looking pretty tired yesterday, did you keep him up?" He clicked his senbon against his teeth.

"Actually, Iruka was looking pretty tired himself yesterday." Raidou added blandly, almost absentmindedly. At that moment Iruka seriously considered stabbing Raidou's eyes out with Genma's senbon.

Genma just looked smug. "One of these days you'll tell me exactly how good Kakashi-san is."

Iruka groaned. "I really don't know."

"M-hm. Just like I don't know that Raidou has no gag reflex and is abnormally talented with his tongue." The blonde winked.

Iruka just grumbled quietly to himself and resigned himself to listening to Genma's speculations. The man had convinced himself that IRuka was a closet contortionist and that Kakashi's manly bits were worthy of worship and his techniques ought to be studied and often replicated.

"Yeah, but then you'd need to learn to bend like Iruka-san." Raidou added sensibly. Genma simply nodded and seem to contemplate that thought.

"I suppose I should work on my flexibility then. Maybe you could give me some lessons?" Genma gave the chuunin puppy-dog eyes.

Iruka groaned again and began to pack his things, as his shift was coming to an end. He offered no answer, simply pakced up slowly and filed any remaining reports before making his way out of the room where Anko stopped him.

"Oi, seriously, how is Kakashi-san in bed? We have this bet, and I say—"

"Oh for fuck's sake. I really don't know!" Iruka shouted, stomping out of the mission room in frustration.

He made his way home, the frustration melting away as the excitement of seeing Kakashi took over. He made his way into the kitchen where he could smell food.

"Kashi-senpai?" He asked, stepping into the kitchen just as the jounin in question set a bowl of rice on the table. The pots and pans that had been used were already washed and had been set to dry. There was an entire dinner laid out on the table including steamed vegetables and teriyaki chicken.

"Welcome home." Kakashi blushed.

A/N: Okay, so I had intended to get this whole thing typed up today, but I had less time than I expected, so I'll try to have to rest of this to you as soon as possible. Thanks so much for your understanding.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Okay, so this fic has been cursed with horrible luck. All my work from my computer is gone, as the hard drive is broken for whatever reason. And then, lucky for me, two pages of work I had written out, so as to prevent such things from occurring again, got ripped out of my notebook… Yeah, so sorry if this is a little… off. It had a plot in the beginning, and at this point I'm just trying to put the pieces back together, so let me know if something doesn't make sense, and I'll try to fix it.

* * *

"Kashi-senpai?" He asked, stepping into the kitchen just as the jounin in question set a bowl of rice on the table. The pots and pans that had been used were already washed and had been set to dry. There was an entire dinner laid out on the table including steamed vegetables and teriyaki chicken.

"Welcome home." Kakashi blushed. "I hope it's okay that I stayed here. I mean, you left… but I didn't… uh…"

Iruka chuckled. "It's fine. I'm glad you stayed actually. And you made dinner." He smiled. "How sweet."

Kakashi grinned, waving an arm in an invitation for Iruka to sit. The chuunin sat down happily, filling his plate with the food before him. Kakashi sat across from him, following suit. The beginning of the meal was comfortably silent, both men contemplating what exactly was going on between them. Conversation did eventually pick up, and Iruka was glad to find out that the Kakashi he knew wasn't entirely different from the man across from him. This Kakashi that was playful, and witty, much like the mask he had worn, though now he was more sincere. It was something of a comfort to realize that he would not have to get to know Kakashi all over again, but he had known him all along.

They sat for a long time after they had finished eating just talking and basking in each other's company. It was nice to have someone around, and Kakashi found himself enjoying just being himself, how effortless it was to do so with Iruka. When the conversation began to die down a bit, Iruka stood and began collecting the dishes for washing, but before he finished his task Kakashi's hand reached out to stop him.

"Let me." The jounin's voice was soft and pleading.

"You sure?" came Iruka's confused response.

"Makes me feel useful." Kakashi smiled, coaxing the chuunin back t his seat. Iruka grinning and happily complied. It was nice to have someone around to help out.

The conversation continued in its light hearted nature, and both men found themselves contemplating how lucky they were to be dating their best friend. The transition had been so easy, so natural that it was almost puzzling as to how it hadn't happened sooner, but they had each other now and that was all that mattered.

Once Kakashi finished his cleaning, there was a quietly awkward moment in which neither man was exactly sure how to proceed.

"I guess I should be getting home." Kakashi muttered, not really wanting to leave just yet.

"Oh, okay." Iruka stood t meet Kakashi, wrapping his arms loosely around the taller man's neck. "See you tomorrow?"

Kakashi hummed his agreement, wrapping his arms around the chuunin's waist and burying his face in Iruka's hair. They stayed like that for a long moment before Iruka pulled away to look up at Kakashi. Without really thinking about what he was doing, he found himself leaning forward and capturing the jounin's lips in his own.

The kiss was chaste and gentle, a sharp contrast to the kisses they had shared before. This wasn't a lapse in self control fuelled by lust and desire; this was a show f love, friendship, and devotion, a silent promise of togetherness. They found themselves kissing more deeply, tongues exploring mouths as hands explored bodies. Neither could remember who had initiated the exploration, it felt more like a mutual agreement that they had made simultaneously without words.

Iruka found himself leaning against the table for support, finally deciding to just sit on the obstruction, his legs instinctively wrapping around the jounin's waist. Their shift in position forced Iruka to press himself against Kakashi in a manner all too tempting. Kakashi let out a quiet growl into Iruka's mouth. The kiss became more needy and forceful.

Kakashi felt shi shirt being tugged off and broke the kiss to allow Iruka to relieve him of the obstruction, following suit, and tugging the chuunin's shirt off as well. Eyes and hands explored the newly exposed flesh. There was a heaviness in the room, a heat that rose and encompassed them wholly as their desire became a physical presence. Kakashi realized then, in some forgotten corner of his mind, that he wasn't going to be leaving.

Iruka, in a display of playfulness, latched on to Kakashi's neck, nibbling and sucking. Kakashi lost himself then, fingers threading through the dark silky hair, begging Iruka to continue. His fingers nimbly removed the hair tie, and Iruka pulled away looking quite proud of the reddish purple mark he had left on Kakashi's neck.

Kakashi realized then just how gorgeous his chuunin was with his hair down around his face, a lustful blush gracing his features and a playfully lecherous grin touching his lips. "Beautiful." He whispered to himself, his hand reaching out to caress the scarred face before him, as though in disbelief that something so perfect could exist in reality.

There was a shyness present on Iruka's face before Kakashi decided to make his own mark on the chuunin claiming him as his own. His mouth seemed fascinated with the flesh just above the chuunin's collar bone, leaving a vibrant red mark in his wake as his hands busied themselves removing the chuunin's trousers. Iruka obediently lifted himself off of the table allowing the last of his clothing to slide past his waist and then to the floor.

Kakashi began kissing his way down Iruka's chest, stopping to give the tan man's nipples some much deserved attention. Encouraged by the chuunin's moans and incoherent mumblings, Kakashi lingered there, reveling in the pleasure it brought the younger man. He then continued his trek downward, kissing, nipping, and licking the taught muscles until he was greeted with Iruka's weeping member.

Kakashi wrapped a hand around the base, smiling when Iruka shivered and bucked forward with a muffled whimper. Kakashi took that as his cue to continue. He knelt down, wrapping his mouth around the chuunin and letting his tongue swirl slowly around the head. Iruka let out a desperately breathy cry of pleasure, bucking his hips forward once more, begging for more. Kakashi, being a generous lover, complied happily, bobbing his head up and down as his hand busied itself pumping Iruka.

Kakashi continued at this leisurely pace while his free hand produced a bottle of lube and snapped it open. The jounin then took Iruka wholly into his mouth and humming, taking the opportunity to coat his fingers in the lube before letting his hand retake its place at the base of Iruka's erection. Moving at an achingly slow pace. His tong swirled around Iruka's head once more as he probed the chuunin's entrance. When the younger man wantonly arched his back, Kakashi slid a finger inside of him. The finger slid slowly in and out as Kakashi bobbed his head up and down. Iruka's hands fisted Kakashi's hair as he took to calling Kakashi's name between pants, moans, and whimpers.

Kakashi allowed his teeth to gently scrape their way back up to Iruka's head. Iruka let out a shuddering breath, and Kakashi slid in a second finger. The chuunin began to squirm desperate for release, when the fingers stretching him brushed against a particularly sensitive spot inside him, his toes curled and he threw his head back, emptying himself inside his lover's awaiting mouth.

Iruka relaxed with a sigh, laying back against the table. He was vaguely aware of the finger still inside him, but was too sated to consider them in any way. Kakashi stood, leading over him and placing light kisses on his face and neck. When the fingers slipped out of him, he seemed to snap back to reality. The chuunin wrapped his arms around his lover's neck, pulling him down for a long, lazy kiss.

Iruka pulled away smiling. "What are you waiting for?" He whispered. His tone was innocent enough, but his facial expression told of his deviousness.

Kakashi tilted his head slightly in inquisition. He was smiling as though amused by this new devious side of Iruka, but there was an admiration in his eyes that made Iruka's stomach flip.

The chuunin grinned, slipping his hand under Kakashi's waist band and gripping him loosely.

Kakashi let out a shaky breath at the sudden attention."You're done." He whispered, his voice strained as he held back a pleasured moan.

Iruka tugged kakashi's pants down. "Not yet." He grinned kissing Kakashi's jaw.

The jounin let out a rumbling chuckle as Iruka fumbled with the lube, coating Kakashi. He lingered playfully longer than was necessary. Kakashi's fingers tilted Iruka's head up forcing their eyes to meet. He stared into the deep brown eyes as though searching for something. Iruka blushed, grinning shyly before leaning back on his elbows in silent invitation.

Kakashi hesitantly bit his lower lip as though reconsidering. Iruka decided that he found the expression to be unreasonably adorable. He pulled the older man closer, rolling his hips against Kakashi's in encouragement. Kakashi ran a hand through his hair, steadying himself.

Iruka grinned up at him from his position on the table, his hands roaming over the pale body before him patiently. Kakashi took a deep breath and positioned himself at Iruka's watched the chuunin's face closely for any signs of discomfort. He slowly slid inside of his lover, slowly letting out the breath he had taken as he did so.

He paused, fully seated and waited for Iruka to adjust. The chuunin's needy squirming told him to move. He set a tediously slow pace, simply enjoying the feeling of Iruka surrounding him so completely. Kakashi admired Iruka's face, contorted in pleasure so intense it was almost painful. He obeyed orders as Iruka demanded a change in pace between pleasured gasps and moans.

Kakashi was losing himself. He lifted a tan leg to hook over his shoulder quickening his pace as each precise movement further abused Iruka's bundle of nerves. Iruka came, crying a broken version of Kakashi's name. Kakashi followed soon after with a low growl. Their hips continued to rock against each other for a moment as they rode out their orgasms.

Kakashi slid to the floor in a strangely graceful manner, turning to rest his back against the wall. Iruka slid off the table to meet his lover on the floor, resting his head on the pale man's chest, and listening as the erratic heartbeat calmed to a steady rhythm.

He looked up into Kakashi's mismatched eyes, noting how his brow furrowed in contemplation. "Everything alright?"

Kakashi raised an eyebrow in response, his expression softening.

"You look… upset." Iruka felt his heart sink at the realization.

"Torn." Kakashi corrected, letting his fingers thread themselves through Iruka's hair as he spoke. "I planned this differently. I wanted it to be special for you." His face slipped back to being contemplative.

"Really?" Iukra questioned, unsure of how exactly Kakashi viewed this as 'unspecial' but also amused that the older man had not only thought about doing this, but had planned it out apparently.

"Mm." Kakashi hummed his affirmation. "There was supposed to be a date and presents, and flirting." He trailed off trying to find the right words. "It was supposed to be perfect."

Iruka chuckled. "And this wasn't perfect?" He smiled, recalling the dinner Kakashi had made and the flirtatious conversation that had accompanied the meal.

Kakashi shrugged. "That's why I'm torn." He paused looking down at Iruka. "But I don't think it could have been better." He placed a kiss on the chuunin's forehead.

Iruka blushed, leaning into Kakashi's chest once again. "It was perfect." He whispered, his eyes sliding closed as he let Kakashi hold him.


End file.
